THE SCENARIO

Yes, it's true that, in the end, both Scrooge and Grinch were overcome by the Christmas Spirit, and capitulated to a life of fat gift-giving and holiday cheer.

But we take you back now to their hardened, callow and bitter early days. Tough as un-roasted chestnuts and with hatred roasting in the open fire of their chests. It's Christmas time, and the Question is... who is the greatest Christmas villain?

Join us now in a battle we had to call...

THE SPORTS BOX

A Special Holiday Battle with your Guest Hosts Rick and DamieN.

Rick:   Hi everybody, I'm Rick the Loner.

DamieN:   And I'm DamieN Brimstone. We are coming at you on location from the streets of London.

Rick:   Yeah, we couldn't use the Sports Box, since it looks like someone drank a wee bit too much eggnog in there. So here we are, freezing half to death. 'Jolly old England' my ass!

DamieN:   Anyway, here is an update on the progress of this battle for Christmas villain supremacy. The Grinch and his dog were last seen sneaking into Scrooge's large house. We can only speculate that Grinch is planning to rob the old man's place in order to make Scrooge's holiday even more bitter than usual.

Window:   CRASH!!!!!

Rick:   Oh my, it looks like that plan just failed. Grinch just came flying out of a second story window, and he landed on the cobblestone street below in a shower of glass. I don't see his dog anywhere.

DamieN:   And now Grinch is being trampled by a horse-drawn carriage. The green guy is lucky, since a less animated villain would surely be dead from all that. Quite a blow for the Grinch. Now lets see what the folks at home are saying.

YOUR OPINIONS

Timur G. graces us this week to say:

Bah Humbug!

Chris Sawler writes:

The Grinch and Scrooge are both pretty mean, but Scrooge just sits back and makes money. The Grinch actually gets in there and ruins it for every Who in Whoville.

Ghost of Roy Fokker writes:

Stats:

Grinch:

• Henchmen: 1 Dog (not much on henchman scale but a willing party nonetheless)
• Skills: Thieving, Survival skills, and the "Hannibal Idea Process"(TM)... The process is taking henchmen and/or associates and doing the impossible in the least amount of time.

Scrooge

• Henchmen: None.
• Skills: Knowing the entire ferengi rules of acquisition, consecutivly winning games of Monopoly.

The winner is clear for me: The Grinch in 4 rounds.... though Scrooge may try to take a ear in the third.

Slug writes:

In the final analysis, psychologically speaking, there was probably something deep within Scrooge that wanted to change. He, apparently, brought his own Christmas spirit out of years of repression. I think the Grinch would have pulled off his escapade had he been able to find good help. I might also add that Ferret looks exactly like the Grinch.

Ferret writes:

Grinch is just a Scrooge wanna-be. This is clearly a case of the "first" being the best. Just watch "A Christmas Carol" starring George C. Scott and you'll never again doubt old Scrooge. Lines like "cut down the surplus population" and "are there no prisons, no work houses" are about as humbug as it can get. Gee, Grinchy stole a few presents. Doesn't quite stack up does it?

kolemsai writes:

C'mon!! I mean really, What's Scrooge? Just a mean old man. He didn't do anything to destroy christmas.

Now the Grinch, what did he do? He disguised himself (and his kick-ass dog) as Santa Claus and a reindeer, then he stole everything (even the roast beast!!!!!!!!)

My final standpoint is that Scrooge would make everyone feel bad because he killed Tiny Tim, but the grinch would raid the town.

LordFish writes:

Grinch, cause he's cool and green.

Eddie The Genius writes:

It took a kiddie Who-ville song to change the Grinch. Ho-hum. It took Marley's Ghost, 3 Spirits and (in at least one movie version) a TRIP TO HELL to scare the Dickens out of the Original "Grumpy Old Man"!!!! Grinch is a wuss. Scrooge ROCKS!

Merry Christmas -- I mean, BAH HUMBUG! >:-)

Dark Queen writes:

The Grinch all the way!!!! Not only is he one of my fav Christmas villains but he also did more to ruin Christmas than Scrooge. The Grinch tried to destroy the hearts of all the Whos in Whoville and would've done so if it wasn't for all that Christmas Spirit that seems to come up everywhere in these holiday episodes.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!

Kes writes:

OK, okay the Scrooge may be old but he is a classic plus he can finish a sentence without making it rhyme. Now if you want to vote for a newbie kid story fine, but I'm with the classic!

Noel Schornhorst writes:

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch,

You're the king of sinful sots.

You're a rotten old tomato with moldy,

purple spots Mr. Grinch.

Man, anyone that bad, has GOT to win.

Maverick writes:

Scrooge is much more the Christmas villain because his efforts were smaller with bigger results. The Grinch tried to steal everything having to do with Christmas and was still defeated! AND ALL IT TOOK FOR HIM TO CHANGE WAS SINGING. Scrooge was the harder nut to crack. It took an entire night and three spirits to take him down.

FirstofTen writes:

Scrooge gotta win 'cause the grinch just saw those guys having fun and his heart melted. For Scrooge it took Three spirits to get at him. My money's on Ebenezer.

Katherine writes:

The Grinch would most definitely win. Why? Because he was the guy who took the initiative by going down into Hooville and attempting to take all the Hoos' presents. What did Scrooge do? NOTHING. All he did was get flown around town by a bunch of stupid spirits that made him feel guilty. Whoopee. The Grinch was the only one with guts.

Sailor Callisto writes:

The grinch all the way! Come on people. Doctor Suess is a way better writer than Charles Dickens... we all know it! The grinch rules. Scrooge will just site there and be an old person, and the grinch will try to take over the world, and Sailor Jupiter will save every one! YEAH!!!!!!!!

Sailor Saturn writes:

Scrue Scrooge! Dr. Seuss rules!

badhippie d'primate writes:

Wow, it's gonna be close one. The smart money is on Scrooge. This is gonna be a battle of great wits. The Grinch is a worthy opponent, a super genius with years of zen meditation on top of Mount Who (with the zen master Max) gives him the edge when the heat is on. Scrooge is hungry though. After fighting his way to the top of London's fabled financial core, Ermine Ebbie doesn't lose well. He has had stomach problems lately though, a fact this observer thinks will only serve to make him even more ornery than he ever has been. I say Scrooge is gonna send the sniveling Grinch to the poorhouse.

Captain Tautimez writes:

Grinch all the way. Scrooge is an old man who has to pay people to have things done. The Grinch is a real hands on kind of guy. He stole all of the Who's decorations, presents, food, and trees. Like the movie says, his heart was two times too small. I say the Grinch has it.

ELF writes:

The grinch is meaner & bader than any scrooge could ever be. The grinch is even mean to little Cindy Lou who !

Baal Tocard writes:

Come on! this is ridiculous! scooge was just a penny pincher and a heart breaker. he didn't really do any thing about Christmas! the grinch on the other hand stole it!!!

The Computer writes:

The Grinch all the way, man. Scrooge didn't do anything about Christmas, just bitched. The Grinch stole it.

Face writes:

It's gotta be Scrooge. Come on, now. Grinch was voiced by Boris Karloff. This Scrooge is only a statue. If you had used Alistair SIms as Scrooge, he might have stood a chance.

Azriel the prince of sorrows writes:

Uh Scrooge turned into a gibbering baby wuss for satan's sake! that sissy wouldn't last a good 10 minutes in the ring with a bad ass mother like the Grinch! Sure the Grinch went soft, but only for about 15 min. Scrooge is just a complete girly man

sinsecticide writes:

Awww Man, you had to make this one SOOOO easy... Lets put it this way, Scrooge is just a tightwad cynic, The Grinch is a wicked evil little mother prepared to ruin Christmas for all of Whoville... He also displays some sweet cartoonish Santa powers as he steals the presents from the unsuspecting people of Whoville, so I'm inclined to think that maybe The Grinch has a few tricks up his sleeve that we haven't seen yet. That and his dog is awesome!

Derrick The Red writes:

The Grinch takes it in a walk...The Grinch is do-what-it-takes kinda guy, not afraid to do his own dirty work and get down and dirty..The Grinch gets right in his victims face..Scrooge is kinda passive..his brand of villainy is based on denying others of what he has..The Grinch would slip into Scrooge's house and clean him out in 2.3 FLAT

THE BATTLE

Rick:   I'm receiving word from one of the camera crew that Scrooge has been sighted. He is currently in his room and taking his arthritis medication before he makes his way downstairs.

DamieN:   Umm, I don't think they have arthritis medication at this point in history. So whilst we wait for Grinch to wake up and Scrooge to come down here, lets go now to a report from our special guest sideline commentator; the Ghost of Christmas Future.

Ghost of Christmas Future:   ... *silence*

DamieN:   Ah, I see, thanks for clearing that up. Can you give us any insight into Scrooge's mental state at this juncture?

Ghost of Christmas Future:   ... *more silence*

DamieN:   Well, thank you very much for that excellent report. Now lets get back to the match.

Rick:   What report are you talking about. That guy didn't say one freaking word?!

DamieN:   *whispering* Shut up Rick. We don't want to insult a big spiritual entity who wears a dark cloak and carries a scythe around. Now, LETS GET BACK TO THE MATCH.

Rick:   *gulp* Okay then, well it looks like Scrooge has finally left his house. And the Grinch is up and fully recovered. The competitors are staring each other down from about five yards away now.

DamieN:   I think Scrooge is saying something.

Scrooge:   Be gone, foul figment of my imagination, lest I open up a can of Bah-Humbug and get medieval on your green buttocks.

Rick:   Grinch didn't take kindly to those remarks. He is approaching Scrooge now.

DamieN:   And Scrooge winds up with the traditional weapon of the elderly, a cane. He swings and...

Rick:   Grinch grabs the cane right from Scrooges hands. What reflexes.

DamieN:   Now Scrooge is being flogged like whale at a cheap Mexican amusement park! Such brutality.

Rick:   That is no way to treat someone who is age-challenged, especially during the holiday season.

DamieN:   Scrooge has crumpled to his knees now. Beneath his coat, his back must be covered in painful welts. This will all be over so... No, wait, Grinch isn't following through. He seems to be whistling for his dog.

Rick:   And Scrooge capitalizes on the moment. Mustering all his strength, he just delivered a solid punch to Grinch's gut. Now he has grappled Grinch and...

DamieN:   AMAZING! Grinch just got hip-tossed halfway down the block. I didn't think Ebeneezer had it in him. But wait, he isn't capitalizing on the opportunity. He has just turned his back to Grinch, and he is now crawling on the ground. Has he lost his mind?

Rick:   No DamieN, he simply can't help himself. It seems that one of his pockets ripped during that last exchange, you know how Scrooge is about his money. He is compulsively trying to pick up every single shilling he dropped.

DamieN:   What is this? Grinch's dog just delivered something to his master, unbeknownst to Scrooge of course.

Rick:   I believe that Grinch is now holding a 49-and-a-half foot pole. Hey, why do you suppose he has that malicious grin on his face. And why is he aiming the end of that pole at Scrooges... oh no.

DamieN:   No, he couldn't he wouldn't?!

Rick:   I think that...

DamieN:   This looks very bad. My god! Grinch is charging and, and...

Ghost of Christmas Future:   ... HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Grinch: 125

Scrooge: 80

THE WRAP UP

Rick:   Yikes, that was painful to watch. I don't think Scrooge will be walking or sitting normally for quite a while. That kind gives whole new meaning to the phrase, "stick up..."

DamieN:   Shut up Rick. We don't need to go there. Anyway, Grinch's dastardly deed gave him a decisive victory. He is heading back to Mount Who in triumph. Well, for Rick the Loner, I'm DamieN Brimstone, wishing you and yours a happy Holiday Season(tm). Peace out!

Rick:   Where do you think you're from man?

DamieN:   Shut up Rick.

Written by Jared C. aka DamieN Brimstone email [email protected]

Special thanks to Serge, Nick P., Stone Cold Steve Austin (for inspiring the the finale), and the Ghost of Christmas Future.

Pictures for this weeks big fight came from:

• Scrooge Statue
• Grinch Stole Christmas

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

Scrooge (TM) is the property � of Charles Dickens

Grinch (TM) is the property � of Dr. Seuss

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles