Short version: The Character Mortuary is the final resting place for characters who died — tragically or otherwise — in roleplaying games.

Long Version: Naturally, if you *get* what this page is about at first glance you are a major geek. Congrats, I salute you! Tell us about your most incredible pen and paper RPG death experience and check out those of others. Original RPG Mortuary created by Gurth in 1995.

Page Updated Mar. 27, 2005

Argon The Destroyer

Game System: AD&D, 1st ed Greyhawk
Occupation: Fighter
Player: Stephen
Gender: Male
Race: Half-Elf
Date of Birth: 700 ce
Date of Death: 1200 ce
Place of Death: Dungeon of Thenaria

Cause of Death: Relatively strong party, DM getting us ready to go to Module WG4, we stop at a tavern that night. Eat, drink, very happy, sleazy bar maids, you get the idea. Oh my, we are all passed out, poisoned wine. We drank so much, the DM said rolling saves was not logical. So, we are now all naked and gagged in the dungeon of our foe. Our equipment outside of our cell and reach. Ironically, the foes henchman is a kobold shaman, decides to torture us, but removes the thiefs gag to hear him scream. Not being up on the effects of staffs, a few roles of dice for reactions, our ingenius thief talks the kobold into breaking the wizards staff of magi. It will just kill the kobold right? Boom! No more dungeon.

Epitaph: Does the term DM Guide mean anything to you?

Brians 1->3

Game System: D&D 3rd edition
Occupation: all clerics
Player: Brian (go lack of imagination)
Gender: All male
Race: All human
Date of Birth: all around 2047
Date of Death: all on the same day in the year 2067
Place of Death: all in the dragon spy mountains

Cause of Death: The Brians deaths themselves were not particularly sepicial what was interesting was the speed of them, specifically that fact that all 3 died whithin the space of 10 minuets ( one of them twice). The origanal Brian was a lvl 1 cleric who within 30 seconds of being introduced was trodden on by a white dragon. Due to the fact that no-one wanted to pay to have the lvl 1 cleric reserected or wait for Brian to make a new caricter Brians(the charas not the players) identicle twin brother Brian arrived with the exact same stats, and was proptly eaten. It turned out that there were a party of identicle clerics wandering in the mountains that day as he was instatly replaced by Brian #3 who manage to surive to the end of battle due to the fact that Di Siduous the Ranger nobly sacrificed himself to save Brian. The death crys of the white dragon were heard by to other nearby evil dragons, one red one black. In unison the dragons fired twin balls of flame and acid which combind into one huge "sphere of death TM". Everyone dodged except for Brian and the much loved NPC Wizzy, both of whom were disolved beyond reserection. At this point Brain #2 slit through the stomouch of the white dragon and climbed out explaining that the dragon had swolled him whole and hed survived by using cure light wounds on himselft to avion stomouch acid damage. To aviod any more fussing about Eldas cast wall of force on brian to protect him from harm. this worked well untill the end of the battle when the corpse of the red dragon fell on him from 150ft and he was unable to dodge due to the wall of force and was thusly crushed

Epitaph: The Necrophilic Sorcerer was the better

Fury Lansik

Game System: Star Wars
Occupation: Alcoholic Mercenary
Player: Eric Bryant
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: Unknown
Date of Death: Unknown
Place of Death: Tatooine.

Cause of Death: Trying to evade a bounty hunter, he and his faithful wookie Gragga sped toward the planet surface hoping to pull up at the last possible moment. Being a physics dropout he underestimated the power of gravity and a sublight engine and he smashed into the panet surface, his ship exploding in a ball of flames. This manuever is now known as the "Fury Lansik Suicide Drop"

Epitaph: "What do ya mean pull up now, shit, Im gnna wait until we get to 30 meters. Thats enough leeway, isnt it?"

Hannibal Hix

Game System: Call of Cthulhu
Occupation: Archaeologist
Player: Christopher Peers
Gender: Male
Race: Human
Date of Birth: 1890
Date of Death: 1924
Place of Death: The Darkest Jungle in India

Cause of Death: Ah, yes. The indomitable Hannibal Hix. A noted archaeologist, noted for bold discoveries, remarkable insights, theft, assault, and innumerable discharges of firearms within city limits. A steadfast upper class Brit, his motto was Fire All Weapons and Hope for the Best! His battles with the alien gods seeking to invade our world led him to Egypt, Peru, Russia, madness three times and to death four times. No blasphemous spell would resurrect him this fifth time, oh no. On yet another investigation against The Elder Gods of the Outer Evil, he and his band of fellows a sorcerer-scientist who had raised an army of zombies and an incarnation of a six armed travesty of a Hindu god. Hannibal and his merry men fired their weapons until the barrels melted down, and Hannibals jammed. The six armed horror pursued Hannibal relentlessly, as the one surviving merry man had set sail with the only boat. With a four-meter monstrosity wielding six swords thundering close behind, Hannibal ran unto the river trying to unjam a rifle, cursing all the way. The monster cornered him on the riverbank, whereupon Hannibal drew two Luger 9 mm pistols, emptying them both into the horror. Not that the horror cared. With a blinding flash and the ringing of steel, the being of evil sent Hannibals entrails flying all over the riverbank. With a heavy sigh, Hannibal Hix fell back upon the jungle floor and died.

Epitaph: Archaeologist bold, who stole the gold, and killed in the name of science; he shot them all, and watched them fall, but then came one who was just too tall.

Heinrich

Game System: Rifts
Occupation: Psynetic Crazy
Player: Ryan of the no last name
Gender: Male
Race: Human...most likely
Date of Birth: not yesterday
Date of Death: 14 April, 105pa
Place of Death: Aeronautics testing facility

Cause of Death: After dislodging the ostrich from the intake, Heinrich himself was sucked into the jet engine. His telekinetic force field automatically engaged, jamming him between the turbine blades. 32 hours later the constant pressure of the blades finally wore through the field, promptly dicing our hero.

Epitaph: Um, guys! I seem to be stuck. Guys? Hello? ...shit.

Jimmy Molson

Game System: Call of Cthulhu
Occupation: Photographer for "The Daily Planetary"
Player: James Lindsay
Gender: Male
Race: Teenager (theyre a species, arent they?)
Date of Birth: 1905
Date of Death: 1923
Place of Death: Providence, R.I.

Cause of Death: While I was momentarily distracted in the Real World™, Jimmys comrades (consisting of fellow co-workers Clark Ment, Lois Mane, & Perry Mite) thought that it was in the best interest of the party for a recently stricken-blind individual (its a long story) to lead the way while they descended the main staircase of an old haunted house. I returned to the gaming table to the chorus of "...make the most important roll in your characters life!" Naturally, I failed, and little Jimmy Molson proceeded to: become the target of spontaneous human combustion, trip & fall down the stairs, during which his ammunition began to explode, setting off the dynamite and molotovs he was carrying, scattering burning bits of him around the foyer and lighting the curtains on fire, resulting in the whole house burning to the ground!

Epitaph: Even in death, little Jimmy had a knack for doing things in style...

Judas "The Betrayer" Earl

Game System: Vampire:The Masquerade
Occupation: Brujah
Player: James
Gender: Male
Race: Vampire
Date of Birth: 3 A.D.
Date of Death: 30 October 1996
Place of Death: Bellevue WA, outside the Elyssum walls, middle of a mob.

Cause of Death: The Prince of the Bellevue/Seattle area was upset over some of the Brujahs rampage through downtown Seattle. My cohorts and I were blamed and got in a scuffle with the prince, I had a relic that enabled me to unweave myself and whomever I was touching at the time from the fabric of the universe to preserve us within the Umbra forever. I grabbed the prince and used the amulet... UNFORTUNATELY, he had massed an army of wraiths in the Umbra whom promptly beat my ass back into the real world whereupon I was thrashed by two Elementals whom the Prince had summoned with a ritual. I, not quite dead, was subjected to a spirit thaumaturgy ritual in which my eternal soul was transferred into a penny and given to a wraith to flick at people through the Umbra curtain. He lost it to a boy who bought bubblegum at the drugstore, and I am currently trapped inside the candy machine.

Epitaph: In God We Trust - Liberty-1996-United States Of America - E PLURBIS UNUM - One Cent...

Sabrina Knight

Game System: Mechwarrior 3rd Edition
Occupation: Mechwarrior/Death Commando
Player: Jerry
Gender: Female
Race: Human
Date of Birth: 26 Sep 3032
Date of Death: 10 Dec 3062
Place of Death: Mech hanger Located on Solaris 7

Cause of Death: Sent by the Death commandos to secretely assasinate the current champion of Solaris so that the candidate they wanted to be champion would be guaranteed a win. Sabrina approached her target as he was doing some last minute maintenance work in his mechs cockpit. She failed her stealth check sneaking into the open cockpit whish turned a simple assasination into the fight of her life. Rolling another failure Sabrina accidentally kicked the "Pilot Ejection Lever." This ejected the pilots seat from the mech.. which was where Sabrina happened to be standing as she battled her target. She was launched at maximum speed for the roof of the mech hanger which was only 50 feet away. Her target was injured by the explosive bolts of the ejection but survived.

Epitaph: Aiiiiieee SPLAT

Smash MeOgre MeSmashYou

Game System: 3e d&d
Occupation: Sorceror, big club wielder
Player: Adam
Gender: male
Race: Ogre
Date of Birth: 1001
Date of Death: he never could count.
Place of Death: The bottom of the Blood Sea

Cause of Death: Smash was an Ogre mage. He was actually quite intelligent for an Ogre, but he still had a speech imped..impi...problem. He also indulged in violent acts before thinking way too often. There was a time when Smash and his companions were sent on their first sea voyage. They were travelling along the coast and their ship was attacked by a Roc. Sadly Smashs companions didnt have much for ranged weapons and Smash only had so many spells. After the fighters ran out of arrows and javelins Smash threw his magic at the Roc. Fireballs, lightning bolts, cones of cold, etc... until Smash exhausted his spells. The DM had a triumphant look so Smash picked up a box and ripped it open. It contained some chickens. Smash used his Ogre strength and threw a chicken straight up at the Roc. It turned out the Roc had only one hit point left. Smash scored a critical hit. Sadly Smash failed to realize that the Roc was flying above their boat as it passed out from its wounds. It plummeted and destroyed the boat and its passengers. On a lighter side Smash came back as a ghost and enjoyed possesing bodys and making them run off cliffs.

Epitaph: Me no know how swim!

Team Alpha (Manny, Moe, and Jack)

Game System: 007 - Avalon Hill, Sadly out of print
Occupation: Double O Agents - Spies That Is
Player: Andy, Dave, and J,D,
Gender: Male cubed
Race: humans
Date of Birth: 1958 - roughly for the three
Date of Death: 1986
Place of Death: The Caribbean

Cause of Death: The three agents -working for the fictional American covert agency in our game- were trying to penetrate the security of the Main Villain�s secret island base. They hit on the idea of chartering a plane and flying the short hope from the resort island of St. John to the villain�s hide out. They charter the plane and meet the pilot early in the morning the following day for their sight seeing trip. One of the agents recognizes the pilot as one of the villain�s henchman. Without explaining to the other two what hes up too, Manny pulls his pistol and shoots out the radio. Only then does he explain to the others that their pilot is in league with the bad guys. At this point, a struggle ensues �as one would expect. In the course of the struggle with the pilot �who incidentally was NOT in league with the Main Villain- Moe opens the pilots side door as Jack cuts loose the seat belts while Manny Keeps the poor pilot in a choke hold from his position behind him. Long story short, the innocent pilot gets tossed out of the plane at five thousand feet and meets a harsh death in the waters of the Caribbean. Only then does it occur to the trio of players that none of their characters have even a single rank in piloting skill. Despite their best efforts, the plane crashes swiftly into the Caribbean.

Epitaph: I figured one of you could fly the plane!

Terron

Game System: AD&D
Occupation: Necromancer
Player: Jeff Carew
Gender: male
Race: human
Date of Birth: unknown
Date of Death: unknown
Place of Death: main audience chamber of lichs castle

Cause of Death: Gross incompetance and misunderstanding. Group had to kill a lich and his greater mummy wife. They also had to kill a cambion of Orcus who was the lichs rivil. They kill the cambion and then find out the lich hates his wife cause she stole his phalactery. Group kills wife with lichs help. While the characters are in the main chamber two of the players (Thomas and Richard) start passing notes about how they should jump the lich now and kill. They forgot to include the third player(Jeff) in their plans. So Terron and the lich were having an intellegent conversation on the benifits of undeath one of the chaotic warriors attacks the lich from behind. Terron (Jeff) knowing nothing of the plan casts suggestion on the warrior and tells him to run. The other players decided ,without saying a word,that Terron had betrayed the group and proceeded to cut him down, loot him, dowse him in oil, and burn him.

Epitaph: Jeff after session: Why didnt you guys tell me what the FUCK you were DOING?