Hello, I'm Lance Danning, and welcome back to "Where are they now?" Tonight, we look back to the early 90's and the enigma of that time known to most as the Bat Boy. This strange child was allegedly discovered living in a cave somewhere by some less than reputable scientists, and was beleived to be half human half bat, despite the fact his features were mostly those of some freakish movie vampires, such as Nosferatu. Over the span of a few years, Bat Boy had his exploits plastered across the pages of the tabloid press, and for a while it seemed every week the boy was up to some zany exploits, from hitching a ride on the front of a tractor trailer to helping the police to catch terrorists. And then, quite suddenly, his fame dried up and went away. Where do tabloid legends go when their fickle audiences tireof them? Well, despite some rumors that he was going to appear on broadway, over ten years later that Bat Boy has grown into an unfortunately deformed man. His already freakish face is now even creepier, now stuck on the body of a man in his early twenties. Jobs are very hard to come by... his notoriety and fame have not helped him in the pursuit of income. Luckily, he put away some of his money from those years, but the supply is quickly dwindling. Recently, we attempted to interview the Bat Boy, or as he now wishes to be called "Jim", at his uptown apartment. However, another one of "Jim's" downfalls is although he can somewhat read and write english, he can't actually speak it due to his twisted vocal chords. So we can only quote him as saying.... "EEEEEEEEeeeeeeeEEEEEEE.... EEEEE...EEEEE.EEEEeeeee... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!". Indeed. Never has so much been said by anyone with just one sound. We do know that while he searches for work, "Jim" is always taking time out to help out those in need on the streets of Khazan. In the past month he has foiled three robberies and scared away countless muggers during his late evening jogs in the park... showing he still has what it takes even if the K.P.D. gets calls every evening about a horrible big-eyed pointy eared monster stalking the streets. "Jim" was able to write the following and has asked us to read it to the viewing public:" JIM NO MONSTER. JIM NO EAT YOU HEAD. PLEASE NO FEAR JIM. JIM NOT EAT YOU PETS. JUST THAT ONE POOFY DOG ONE TIME. JIM NO BAD. JIM LIKE PEOPLE IN CITY. JIM HELP PEOPLE WHEN CAN. IF SEE JIM, SAY HI. OFFER JIM JUNEY-BUG. JIM LIKE JUNEY-BUG. YUM YUM." . As you can see, "Jim" seems to mean well. So next time your out and see the former Bat Boy, try not to yell and scream and run. Instead say "hi" or maybe "have a nice day". Truly, a unique and well meaning indiviual. We'll be back after the break with our next story, "Whatever happened to Spuds McKenzie...." |
