Press Any Key For Sex
Pheremones: Superior
There's something about the MRR that makes it more alluring than most men. Maybe it's the way it offers you flowers on a romantic whim. Maybe it's the confidence and esteem in its jaunty hat. Or maybe it's because the flowers are laced with Rohypnol. Regardless, its loving mechanical heart throbs with an irresistible charm and an internal combustion engine that ensures it can always take more drinks than its date can.
-FIDELITY DOES NOT COMPUTE!-
Detective: Standard
It may not always make the first move, but that's simply because it knows what its doing. The MRR won't even say hello if it doesn't spot the glint of a ring on your finger. Those glowing yellow eyes take in every detail of someone's personality, what makes them tick, and the thinnest point of trust in their relationship. It would gladly offer a shoulder to lean on and an ear to vent to, if it had either. But even without, that doesn't stop it from assessing the foundation of a marriage to know just which brick to pull out.
-I AM WINKING SUGGESTIVELY!-
Emotion Control: Superior
It's really more sweet than it sounds to wink by deactivating the lights in one eye. The flat, honest charm is enough to make most people trust the MRR, and the subliminal Hypnotic Winking Array deals with the others. Once it has a person's complete trust and faith, it has one foot in the door. Or wheel, rather. From there it's just the clever placement of -DOES USER WISH TO DEPART TO MY AREA OF RESIDENCE?-, followed by a quick specification to everyone else in the building as to whom it was yelling at.
Slap-absorbing plating
Iron Will: Superior
No program is perfect. That's where persistence comes in. Sometimes an individual is simply in a bad mood, and attempted affection simply results in a smack to the face. Of course, when your face is made of steel, that tends to lead to a broken hand. From there, proper care and medical attention will often make someone warm up to the MRR and its loving ways, at which point the program becomes routine. It's certainly better than the alternative, which is having a robot not programmed to understand failure seducing you for nine hours until the next battery recharge.
To remember me by
Toxic Touch: Standard
The pool boy knows where these things tend to lead, and so does his robot. Don't ask how exactly it works, that's probably best left as one of life's mysteries. After an amazing night, there's nothing quite like having your lover lean across the bed, and mechanically bellow in your ear -I HAVE STD'S!-. Weapons-grade Electrogonorrhea is no joke, kids, and not something your husband wants to find out you've mysteriously obtained. Which is kind of the point; it's not the quietest thing you can come down with.
Less-Than-Subtle Traces
Smoke Screen: Standard
Eventually the time comes to leave. Most people, when cheating, would make an effort to leave as little evidence of their actions as possible. Having a slightly different goal in mind, the MRR makes an effort to expel a blinding cloud of easily-traced chemicals that stain the entire room and rob the eyesight of anyone present, making it impossible to clean up. In fact, their stumbling about breaking things simply makes the scene even more incriminating. You may not have an airtight case with a dirty dress, but half an apartment building should do the trick.
-I WILL ENDEAVOR TO CALL YOU!-
Teleportation: Standard
Having fulfilled its program, the Marriage-Ruining Robot enters the reboot process, using the finely tuned "Damn, I gotta get out of here" protocol. By the time the smoke clears and any protests can be made, the MRR is gone, safely deposited in the pool boy's garage until it is needed again. The rich folk of Khazan salute you, Marriage-Ruining Robot, for as long as their spouses are dull and middle-aged, you WILL be needed again.
|