THE SCENARIO

God willing, there will be massive sales of Arena fight souvenirs and plenty of gratuitous violence for all. Join us now as two generations of video game characters prepare to meet in a battle with no continues that we had to call...

THE SPORTS BOX

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Well, well, this looks like quite a fight we've got lined up.

SONIC HUNTER:    Two generations of video game characters lined up and ready to duke it out. This is going to be quite an exciting fight, one I haven't seen since Darkseid vs. Apocalypse. We now go to the sideline commentators, the Mario Bros.

Mario:   Thanks, Angry Net Surfer and Sonic Hunter. The layout for this battle is quite simple. Every few minutes, a level from a video game at random will appear. The contenders must battle it out on these levels.

Luigi:    For example, the first part of the battle may take place, say, in a Crash Bandicoot type jungle. Then after a few minutes, the level will change again to something different such as a big pyramid of cubes QBert style. This will ensure that the video game characters will have strengths and weaknesses to even up the battle. For example, fighting in a Pitfall type jungle with trees cramped together may pose a slight problem to flyers like the Joust ostrich knights or Tails.

Mario:    On the other hand, a big wetland area such as the India level of Tomb Raider III or the swamps of Frogger may slow down fast characters like Sonic the Hedgehog (whom I beat in a past battle, he he heh) or pose problems to those who need manueverability such as the Demons or Spyro.

SONIC HUNTER:    Thanks for the comments there guys. And now let's get the commentary from the viewers at home.

YOUR OPINIONS

Favorite letter of the Week

Gothamite1 writes:

Lara Croft can take them all down. Lets face it... How many nude sites do you see dedicated to Donky Kong? Editors Note: There goes my plans for heading to that all-you -can-eat Chinese buffet!

RealLoneWolf writes:

Look... There is a very simple reason the 80s guys got canned: Obsolecence. The last few 80s games that lasted were the very best 80s games around! But they were still Obsolete. The 90s crew is vastly improved technology.

I've played Q*bert, I've played Pacman, I've played Donkey Kong, and I've played Burger Time. But I've also played Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Duke Nukem and Doom. The new guys blow the Old guys away! Killer Sound and Color, Multi-Player, Split Screen, Secret Features...

Let's face it... The only reason the old time 80s videogames had to exist was to pave the way for the 90s boys to rock the house!

Bye Bye, Pacman... Been nice knowing you!

RealLoneWolf

(You're not cleared to know what the "Real" stands for... Fnord!)

Player writes:

This battle has got the 80's written all over it. Let us not forget the hours of fun we had playing arcade games for only one quarter back in the day. Todays videogame stars are money grubbing sellouts (at least 50 cents a pop) who don't have the work ethic or the team work of the originals. BR>

HexxJo writes:

Let's put it this way: The only characters with games worth playing from the 90's team are the Sonic crew and Ryu. The rest are a bunch of eye candy schlock. As for the 80's team... I'd sooner spend my time playing Burger Time than Tomb Raider.

Justicar writes:

Heh...heh...heh...

How do I keep this little snippet of commentary from turning into a 20 page rant about how much the 90's sucked as a decade. I am a child of the 80's. The 80's ruled and so did the video games.

Why will these characters defeat the 90's characters, believe it or not, SHEER FIREPOWER AND SKILL!! Back in my day, unless you played Dungeons and Dragons there were no such things as hit points. One freaking hit and you were dead. One hit...BAMN! instant death, isn't all that prevelant any more because the games are trying to be realistic. Packing that much firepower from the realm of fantasy is a major advantage. The 90's characters won't know what hit'em. They'll think "Hah! One punch from Donkey Kong won't phase me!" Think again as a brains get plastered to the pavement.

Now to compensate for this firepower the 80's crowd developed an incredible defensive strategy... dodging the sonofabitches!!! If you want to live you don't let anything remotely evil hit you. That is a tremendous skill that really isn't all that necessary anymore.

Last thing to add in favor of the 80's crew, knowledge. These characters blazed the trial for the coin-op and home entertainment industry. They are the progenitors. They made the games of today possible. They knew how to keep the games fun. (Frankly, I'm tired of shooters and fighting games... there's very little variety today.)

The 90's group is missing an genre that would have made me think a little harder. You didn't add any RPG characters. The RPG games is the one thing I do like about 90's games. You should have added Cloud or maybe Link. That genre reintroduces the sense of fantasy into gaming. The 90's games just don't have the "soul" that the 80's games did. There just glitzy technical show offs with little else, save a few.

In parting I say... "Pac-man fever... Its driving my crazayah...P-P-Pac-man fever...".

The Saint writes:

I'm backing the 90's 'cuz the 80's were a pain at times (even though the games were great). But that aside, Duke Nuke'm would probably erase the whole 80's team with one blast. As for invincibility, it's gonna be great to see a super-powered Sonic run into Pac on a Power Pill. Imagine: Critical mass: BOOM! Sonic survive but loses all his rings and has to find more, while Pac-Man is toast because he goes down with one hit. And Twelve Cyberdemons? I think we're in for a real turkey shoot with the Joust Warriors (bad pun). And as for Karate Champ, all Ryu has to do is turn into Evil Ryu and do (Jab, Jab, Forward, Low Kick, Fierce Punch). Sit back and enjoy the carnage.

Mr Sinister writes:

Tough one... but I went with the 90s stars on the grounds that I was but a wee bairn in the 80s and have no memory of the 80s characters. Sad but true...

T-1000 writes:

Oh man, this is the kinda fight that the CBUB has been waiting for.Thank you Sonichunter and angry netsurfer, I have been waiting for something like this for ever. However, I have to go with the 90's video game characters. The 90's video games revlove more completely around the theme of violence, while the 80's video games where still just trying to impresses people. Basically, 90's video games are much more competetitve now, striving to become bigger and better than the previous game, while that level of competeion never exsisted in the 80's. People where just impressed with the whole idea of video games while now, it is much more competeive. That level of cometiveness will be the edge the 90's video game characters are looking for.

JediDarkmon writes:

If you match them up correctly, you get a preaty awsome fight:
Sonic vs Pac-Man: Pac-Man was eating ghosts before Sonic was born, if you put them together, Pac-Man would take a bite outta Sonic in two seconds flat.PAC-MAN
DK vs Knuckles: Knuckles may be able to glide and climb walls, but DK can knock him out of the air with his barrels before Knuckles has a chance to get up a few feet.DONKEY KONG
Q-Bert vs Tails: I have no idea how Q-bert would fight, so, with the help of some flying, Tails would take that fight real quick. TAILS
Space Ace vs Duke Nukem: The Duke has enough 1-liners to drive anyone crazy, and he has that cool attitude to help. Space Ace...More like Space Case. DUKE NUKEM
Spyro vs Kangaroo: the Kangaroo's got the right stuff, so, even though Spyro can snuff him out of the jumping game any minute he wants, I think there are a few sheep who would help the Happy-Hopper out anyday. KANGAROO
Dirk the Daring vs Lara Croft: Lara is just to hot to lose. Sorry Dirk. LARA CROFT
Karate Champ vs Ryu: Ryu may be the youngest, but the Champ has probably still got it. Make them take it outside, it would promise to be a good fight. KARATE CHAMP
Tron vs Scorpion: Scorpion would put Tron back into the land of Never-Heard-Of-Movies. SCORPION
DEMONS From Doom vs Warriors from Joust. The demons just were'nt scary enough, and Joust was just am awsome game. So if you take two and two together, tou do get four. WARIORS FROM JOUST
Cannon-Fodder vs Half a Dozen Flying Ostriches: Don't go there...: CANNON-FODDER
Sorry, but the Chef was to fat to get out in the fight, my apologies.

Thanos6 writes:

First of all-- let it be known I am a nostalgic teenager. Weird, huh?

As much fun as I have surfing the 'net and other stuff, I long for the old, simplistic days. The 80's were my own personal Golden Age.

That's why I voted for the 80's stars.

Now on to the logic.

Chef Peter Pepper vs. Spyro the Dragon: Spyro starts to breathe fire. Chef makes him sneeze uncontrollably. Bye-bye Spyro. 1-0 80's.

6 Joust Ostriches vs. 6 Doom Demons: I don't think the demons could take out Lava Trolls or Pterodactyls. 2-0 80's.

Karate Champ vs. Ryu: Ryu often launches into a rage during a battle. The Karate Champ stays calm. Let's see.. Rage = Anger, Anger = Dark Side, and the Dark Side always loses. 3-0 80's.

Donkey Kong vs. Sonic: Sonic's speed may bother DK for a while, but eventually DK'll get mad, just start lashing out, and hit Sonic by luck. 4-0 80's.

Q-Bert vs. Tails: Tails can't fly forever. And when he lands, he'll feel two little feet start jumping up and down on his back. 5-0 80's.

Pac-Man vs. Knuckles: Both of these guys can boogie pretty fast. Knuckles'll be hot on Pac-Man's heels. Pac-Man'll round a corner, turn around, and wait. Knuckles, being bloody stupid, will turn the corner right into Pac-Man's mouth. 6-0 80's.

Tron vs. Duke Nukem: I have no idea what Tron's powers are, but if they are based on electronics like I suspect, Tron can do something do Duke's guns; maybe he can take control of them and turn them on Duke. 7-0 80's.

Kangaroo vs. Scorpion: Smarter than most people give him credit for, Kangaroo will know to avoid Scorpion's attacks. He'll jump right over them, and right onto Scorpion. 8-0 80's.

Space Ace & Dirk the Daring vs. Lara Croft: Two people with powers I'm vague about vs. one person with big guns. Dirk can distract her while Space Ace outflanks her. Even if she does win (unlikely), she'll then have to face 6 ostriches, a chef, an electronic thingy, a karate master, a kangaroo, an orange hopping whatchamacallit, a huge gorilla, and a yellow thingamajig that eats everything. Not good odds. 9-0 80's.

The 80's win unanimously. But one question:

IF YOU INCLUDED SONIC, TAILS, AND KNUCKLES WITH THE 90'S, WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT MARIO AND LUIGI WITH THE 80'S?!?!?!?

Editors Note: Because the Mario Bros. are the sideline commentators

Razorwitt writes:

You want me to vote against the side that, without whom, these 90's characters wouldn't exist?

Come on! The 80s side has a giant gorilla for crying out loud!

Pac-Man can have these guys for lunch...literally.

Tandy writes:

90's. 90's 90's 90's. Do people even remember the 80's? Oh well. Technology has changed, and graphics have gotten better. You just HAVE to go with the more complex, buffer, and much better digitalized people here. I mean really.. a circle with a wedge cut out against people who kill for fun. I wonder who will win. Really.

Demon writes:

The 80's team will win because they were
LEGENDS, something idiots Like Sonic and
Lara Croft can't reach. also, they'll
win because sony and sega have so many
sucky mascots, they should have hired
Nintendo to take care of it! NINTENDO
4 LIFE!!!!!!!!

Raving Lunatic Man writes:

Now HERE'S a fight worthy of my madness. I must disapoint all you LOOSERS who chose the 90's group because look who you're up against:
Pac Man - THE Man himself, the only being in the megaverse to go 500 rounds with 5 invincible ghosts and win. (I've seen the video; nasty)
Donky Kong - The guy who makes King Kong look like a wuss. What I wouldn't give to have a 100+ ton gorilla backing me up.
Q-Bert - Has outsmarted more oponents than I care to remember, plus always has some censored phrase tailored to the occasion.
Karate Champ - Note the word "CHAMP": Chuck Noriss, Jacky Chan and Bruce Lee rolled into one. Nuff said.
TRON - A maniacal super-computer who wanted to take over the world. Said that he wanted to break into the Pentagon for the kicks. He'll scramble the opposition's circuits before you can say Y2K.
THE MIGHTY SIX WARRIORS FROM THE WORLD OF JOUST!!!!! - Who can resist the sheer power of these titans? Astride thier mighty avian steeds, the Forgotten Six can and WILL lance down all in thier path, whether it be on the ground or in the air. LONG LIVE THE MIGHTY SIX!!!!!!!!!!

Plus, with a space ace and the rest of the classic team, any fire-power the 90's goons (backed by who; rodent wanabee's?!) can throw at them.

I envision a battle as follows...
Donky Kong will make short work of the *Cannon-Fodder* Doom demons. Splat, Splat, Splat. Ryu will lose to the sheer skill of the Karate Champ. The Sega trio will run for cover against the might of Space Ace and Tron, who have thier vast numbers of power-ups and secret weapons bonuses. Croft will be the next victim of Kong when she singes him with a grenade. (I don't care who you are, THIS Kong don't like pretty girls who mess with the doo.)
THE MIGHTY SIX will vanquish the insugnificant dragon and trample the gun-weilding commando beneith thier talons and spear points.

NONE SHALL CHALLENGE THE MIGHTY SIX AND THIER ALLIES!!!!!!!!!!

JJ Fusion writes:

Hey get with the 90's no way a puch of pansy-ass 80's fodder. Why ? Obvously the 90's team has raw power and that's what you need for a certian victory !!!!
Long Live the ninties !!!!!!!!!1

Daki writes:

The moment I saw this match I felt my fingers begin to twitch. I remembered the tens of thousands of quarters I put into the arcade games as a kid...Kung Fu...Pac-Man....Space Ace (Never did beat that game)....

Yeah, the 90's characters have the advantage of new technology, but think about where they came from...it's those 80s games that people like me grew up on and STILL play when we find a working machine. ((Note : Ryu is TECHNICALLY an 80's character...the original Street Fighter had these two big pads for punch and kick that you literally had to hit to work))

In this generational battle, I actually predict experience to win out over flash. I can't give any logical explanations for this one...I'm just going with my gut instinct and voting for my old time favorites.

Sephirothecchi writes:

That the 90's characters have got this because first of all they have scorpion,second lara she'll mezmorize them all with her looks,third duke and the cannon fodder demons will use rpg and blow them to hell and cannon fodder will use the bfg 9000, 4th ryu has been in more games himself then most of the 80's warriors combined. Editors Note: Good opinion there Se , but I still want my comic back !!

Zisteau writes:

Oh my gosh, I can't believe the 80's team is losing, this is just completely ridiculous!!! I don't know who set up the respective teams, but the 80's team vastly outweigh the 90's team for one simple reason: they have Tron.

I don't know if most of you guys are old enough to have seen the movie Tron, but let me put it into modern terms: having Tron on your side is like having Neo from the Matrix on your side.

Do you get it now???
The nineties team stand no chance whatsoever.
Do you really think Lara Croft stands a chance against the likes of Chef Peter Pepper???
Do you think Sonic will last two seconds against the gargantuan appetite of the legendary Pac Man?
What force of nature can stand against the collosal juggernaut Donkey Kong?
Heck, this silly nineties team doens't have a prayer.

Long live old school gaming!!!

DamieN Brimstone writes:

After some intense soul searching, I
have concluded that it is the 80s
team that holds all the cards in this
battle. For unlike they're 90s followers, the gaming heroes of Back
in the Day didn't have the cushy
luxuries of modern technology at their disposal, and neither did the guys and
gals who guided them on their epic
quests and insane missions. NO anti-alised texture maps, no force feedback programmable game pads, no cheesy game shark cheating accessories. In his unending battle with the forces of evil, the 80s gamer had nothing to rely on but his wits, one or two action buttons, a few measly sprites, and a set of balls the size of Jupiter. The great games
of the 80s molded boys into men, and
forged men into WARRIORS. The
90s pretenders have learned much,
but they still have much to learn. KICK ASS 80s CHARACTERS, AND BRING BACK HAIR BANDS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT! (err..forget that last part).

The Animator writes:

Laura Croft is the most technically minded and apt of the 90's crew. That being said, she couldn't handle a single game of pong. Against such "advanced" games as Pac-Man and Q-bert, she and her friends won't have a chance. The 80's rule. They always have, they always will.

Sailor Dragonfyre writes:

Woo Hoo! 90s baby yeah! I vote 90s for a few simple reasons,
a) Pac Man and many of his pals can only move in horizantal and vertical directions,
b) no one can beat the Duke *gimme some sugar baby!*, and
c) you didn't include Ms.Pac Man in this list, how dare you!

Nowhere Man writes:

I would have to cast my vote for the 1980's video game stars. Sure I think Sonic and Knuckles are really cool and Duke Nuk'em is no pushover but I'm afraid I would have to side with age and experience of the 80's video game stars over the the more graphically sophisticated 90's video game stars.

Here's my take on the fight. Sure Pac-Man can be kind of weak, that is until he eats those power pills in which he can dispatch the Doom Demons in one chomp. Dirk will call upon his knight training and defeat Spyro . Karate Champ will be singing "Kung Fu Fighting" (a hark back to the 70's which I think was as cool as the 80's) as he beats Lara Croft. Q-Bert, Kangaroo, and Chef Peter Pepper will dispatch Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails without much trouble (sorry guys). Donkey Kong will defeat Scorpion lock, stock, and barrel by squashing him like a bug. Tron will ride circles around Duke Nuke'm and if it gets tight, he always can use his electronic frisbees to "De Res" Duke. Dunno too much about Ryu . I guess I'll have to throw Space Ace with the Joust Ostrich Warriors as wingmen after him.

Final note, being 33, I did spend a lot of time in the arcade with the 80's Stars as a teenager. Being honest, I'm really letting my nostalgia show here. However, one thing I along with many others have learn in the 1980's,Classic Coke tastes much better than the "New Coke" so I do predict the 90's Stars will be "spanked like a four year old at K-Mart" by the 80's Stars.

Akuma writes:

Too bad I wasn't invited to the fun. I would have killed all those old punks with the Ultimate move, the Raging Demon. It would have been the same with my young protege, Evil Ryu. But you guys invited that other Ryu guy, who is just as good, I guess. I go with the 90s people because, c'mon, let's face it-they have better powers than that blob eating, yellow bellied (literally), punk Pac-man and his senior friends and especially those so-called Karate Champs. Editors Note: Hey !! If you could trash the entire 80's squad alone , then howzabout taking us on ? I am the Angriest Net Surfer alive , and my friend can turn into a mech . DIE !!!!

The Klaw writes:

Well, I would go with the 90's except for one reason: whoever picked that team was smoking crack. Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails? Talk about some of the WEAKEST characters of the decade! Tails is nothing, Knuckles hasn't struck it on his own, and Sonic couldn't even save the Saturn from defeat. Where's the true 90's heroes: Cloud, Solid Snake, Aya Brea, etc. Just for picking the stupid Sega Echidna Team, I think the 80's will win! Wahahahahaha!!!

JD007W writes:

What about Mario and Luigi? Or Link? I don't know if they could really be placed in a category though, with the 80s and 90s games they have. For this match I am not rooting for one team. I am just rooting for someone to kick the crap out of Sonic the Hedgehog! Now, Sonic games were ok, but the cartoon sucked. Sonic was played by Steve Urkel, for god's sake! He was so annoying, and after every day when I came back from school to find my kid brother watching that show, with Sonic's "I'M WAIIIIIITING" lines and all, I just thought, please cancel this show, have mercy on me! C'mon, Scorpion, help out both teams and shoot your harpoon into Sonic! Editors Note: Hey!! He might have played a nerd on Family Matters, but in my opinion, Jaleel White did a preeety good job voicing Sonic. If you wanna complain about voice actors, try watching those new episodes of Dragon Ball Z that Cartoon Network is showing.

THE BATTLE

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Quite some interesting thoughts there. Indeed this will be an interesting battle. Of course, we can start it if Sonic the Hedgehog will stop glaring at Mario.

SONIC HUNTER:    No love loss here, I can say.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Okay, here's the first level coming up. And.....it's Doom!! 90's team captain Sonic realizes that the many demons (the bulldogs, imps, Hellbarons, etc.) have the advantage here since they're familiar with the territory and sends them in.

SONIC HUNTER:    Pac Man, team captain of the 80's squad is thinking and it seems that lots of the 80's squad such as Dexter, nerdy alter ego of Space Ace, Frogger, Chef Peter Pepper, and even the ferocious Donkey Kong are reluctant to face the demons.

Donkey Kong:   Ooh, ooh, Donkey Kong no want to face demons.

SONIC HUNTER:    But Pac Man has an idea. He's sending forth the Ostrich Knights. They have the advantage of greater mobility. The two sides are charging at each other with the more intelligent Knights maintaining the proper altitude away from the grasping claws of the Doom Demons.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    More intelligent or not, those demons aren't stupid. The Hellbarons open up with a barrage of green fireballs. And it's a nasty blow to the front ranks as one of the Knights drops and plunges into the toxic sludge which consumes him and his steed.

SONIC HUNTER:    The Knights regroup and swoop in with their lances raised for a frontal assault.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Pac Man chooses this time to press his attack. He commands them to charge into the demons full attack....

SONIC HUNTER:    ....and receive counter fire from Duke's machine guns and Laura's pistols.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Those pistols aren't the only 45s she's packing!

SONIC HUNTER:    Do you mind? Now Qbert's jumping down from a high platforms and is bouncing around. He bounces off some of the heads of the bulldogs and imps.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    But he gets cut down by Duke Nukem's guns.

Qbert:    !@#$%&*@?!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Qbert curses in true fashion before he dies. Wait, who's that? It's Tron!! He's blazing in on his Light Cycle, leaving a wall of light behind him. The demon's ranks are cut down to two as a combination of Tron's light wall and energy frisbee cut them down to size. The big Doom level is littered with dead demons and what's left of a poor ostrich and his knight. But that doesn't stop the 80's squad as they break cover and attack.

SONIC HUNTER:    The 90's squad also rushes forward to meet the 80's.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Karate Champ leaps through the air with the greatest of ease, executing a fantastic flying kick. It connects to Knuckle's jaw and knocks the echidna back.

SONIC HUNTER:    But Knuckles strikes back with the famous uppercut that he uses.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    He nails Karate Champ in and busts him up with another uppercut. Karate Champ goes flying into the toxic sludge and sinks down.

SONIC HUNTER:    No word if he's okay.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Here come the Joust knights flying in on their ostriches for a second run. The knights prepare their lances for a charge. Sonic is racing through at full speed, evading them. But he doesn't see the one directly above him. The ostrich stomps on Sonic bringing him to an abrupt halt.

SONIC HUNTER:    Sonic is hurt, but he seems okay!!!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    But not Tails. Flying through the air, he tries to evade the knights. However, he gets impaled by a lance and is hanging on the wall, being pinned there by a lance through his bloody and mangled body.

SONIC HUNTER:    Hold on. We've just gotten word from the stands via Harley Quinn that a pink hedgehog just fainted.

Mario:    Probably just some starstruck kid. Alright, here comes the level change. The Doom level melts away....

Luigi:    And is replaced by the Burgertime levels. Platforms connected by ladders with burger components like buns, lettuce, cheese, and meat patties as far as the eye can see. It seems that Chef Peter Pepper will have the advantage of terrain familiarity here!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Immediately, Chef Peter Pepper, Pac Man, Donkey Kong, and Dexter race up to the top levels for the advantage of higher ground. Lara and Duke are in hot pursuit. Sonic is having a little difficulty with the terrain . Seems that he's allergic to fast food other than Chili Dogs.

SONIC HUNTER:    Peter Pepper is in trouble!!! Duke Nukem is in hot pursuit, firing bullets from a gratuitiously large chain gun at Peter Pepper. The chef is using all his agility to duck, bob, and weave to avoid getting a chest full of lead.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Duke is right behind Chef Pepper and is about to close in for the kill.

SONIC HUNTER:    Kangaroo is leaping around on the floor above Peter and Duke, ready to help out his comrade.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Big mistake!! The chef takes out this pepper and throws out a big cloud of it into Duke's face.

SONIC HUNTER:    He's stopping abruptly...

Duke:    Ah....ah....ah....ah.....uhhhhhhhhh........CHOOOOOO!!!!!!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    I am a personal friend of the food foes, Mr. Hot Dog, Mr. Egg, and Mr. Pickle. Trust me, you don't wanna get a big dash of pepper in the face.

SONIC HUNTER:    Duke sneezes and his guns fire wildly. Several of the guys around (and the gal Lara) run for cover.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    It's a miracle that no one is getting hurt from that spray of fire. Even Kangaroo managed to get out of the way. And the rest of those Doom demons are closing in.

SONIC HUNTER:    They're meeting heavy resistance from Kangaroo who has a steady supply of exploding fruit from her pouch. One of the demons steps back onto the ledge there.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Hold on. Does that piece of the bun look a little loose?

SONIC HUNTER:    It is. That Doom demon has inadvertently stepped on the rest of the bun. And it's going, going, going,.....

ANGRY NET SURFER:    SAY IT ALREADY!

SONIC HUNTER:    It's down. The bun has fallen.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Someone's getting demons in their burgers. Want fries with that?

Mario:    The level change is due shortly.

Luigi:    But not quick enough for Duke Nukem. He too gets squashed by a burger part. Looks like he didn't get it his way.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Frankly I wouldn't want it that way either.

SONIC HUNTER:    Spryo is moving into attack position and has his eyes set on Paccy, Donkey, Dexter, and Peter. They'd better get someone who can deal with a dragon.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    What better guy to send up against it than a knight?

Pac Man:    Dirk the Daring, move in to take care of that dragon.

Dirk (holding his sword):    I'll slay yon foul beast. But first I must unclog this sewer. Atomic Arrow flushed a bunch of Spellfire cards down the drain and now all of Khazan is backed up.

Pac Man (clutching his face):    Never mind.

Luigi:    Here comes the level change. It's......Pac Man!!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Listen to that classic Pac Man riff playing. The maze has set itself up with its dots and energizers. Dirk is deciding to fight Spyro anyway.

SONIC HUNTER:    He closes in. Spyro blows fire from his mouth.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    And Dirk raises his shield in time to deflect it. Dirk's in a dilemma. The shield can take flames but for how long?

SONIC HUNTER:    Meanwhile Karate Champ is wandering the lower half of the maze. All is quiet. Too quiet.

Ryu:    HADOUKEN!!!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Karate Champ turns to see what just happened and manages to defend against the fireball, but gets knocked back into the maze wall. Ryu is jumping down from his hiding place and moves in.

SONIC HUNTER:    We've got quite a fight on our hands. Ryu is pelting Karate Champ with fireballs but Karate Champ has managed to get in several hits himself. This match is about even with both fighters being injured yet they're still going.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Hold on!! A bonus item has just appeared several feet behind Ryu!! Its...... A BANANNA!?!?!?!? Good Lord it can't be that easy can it ??

SONIC HUNTER:    Apparently it is. Karate Champ is hitting Ryu with a slew of kicks and punches. The Street Fighter is to busy defending himself to deduce Karate Champ's plan !!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    And Ryu has slipped on the bannana peel!! In mid air, Karate Champ hits Ryu with a flurry of punches, dropping the Street Fighter.

SONIC HUNTER:    KO for Karate Champ. But while jumping up and down celebrating, Champ doesn't notice Scorpion coming at him from behind.

Scorpion:    Get over here!

Luigi:    Karate Champ has a big harpoon through him. And he's being reeled in by Scorpion. Looks like poor Karate Champ is the catch of the day.

Mario:    And he's going to be served fried because Scorpion is removing his mask.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    And he incinerates Karate Champ, burning him to ashes!

SONIC HUNTER:    Speaking about being burned to ashes, our brave knight Dirk the Daring races in and swings his mighty sword at Spyro the Dragon. He slashes Spyro in the chest, causing the dragon to belch out flames. The flames hit Dirk.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    And Dirk is out by getting hit and charbroiled..

SONIC HUNTER:    Will you ever learn Dirk? Wait, do you see what I see?

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Yeah, Pac Man has just energized with an energy pill. He's glowing with power!!

SONIC HUNTER:    Spyro sees this and attempts to charbroil Pac Man in the same manner he did to Dirk.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    But the pill makes Paccy invinicible and Pac Man devours Spyro in one big gulp!

SONIC HUNTER:    Meanwhile, Donkey Kong is fending off both Sonic and Knuckles who are racing around the big Pac Man maze. The big ape is breaking off pieces of the walls to hurl at the two rodents.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    It seems that our favorite hedgehog and his echidna ally are planning to do something to the big ape.

SONIC HUNTER:    They know that unless they get rid of him, their chances of victory will be nil and they'll go ape. HA HA HA HA!!

Mario:    Stop with the jokes already. Besides, the next level change is coming up shortly.

Luigi:    Hey, I'm starved. How about some burgers after the battle?

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Sure, that sounds fine, Luigi. Now back to the fight.

SONIC HUNTER:    Tron is whizzing by on his motorcycle in pursuit of Lara Croft, who can't seem to shake him. And Sonic is racing at full speed towards Tron.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Dexter energizes and becomes Space Ace. He blasts at Sonic with his gun but can't seem to hit him.

SONIC HUNTER:    As the show says, "Too fast for the naked eye......"

ANGRY NET SURFER:    He's jumping and crashes into Tron. Tron is trying to get his cycle back under control.

Luigi:    And Tron does. What was the purpose of that?

SONIC HUNTER:    I see! It wasn't to hurt Tron but instead it was to give Sonic momentum.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Momentum? For what?

SONIC HUNTER:    Sonic is using his Super Spin Attack and hurtles towards Donkey Kong.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    CRASH!! He nailed DK square in the chest and the ape falls off the edge of the maze platform he was on.

Mario:    Knuckles punches DK hard. Did I just hear a crunching noise?

SONIC HUNTER:    You did. You did hear a crunching noise. Knuckles took down the mighty Donkey Kong!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    The 80's crew just lost Donkey Kong. Pac Man tries to rally his comrades.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Let's see who's left. On the 80's squad, it's Pac Man, Kangaroo, Space Ace, Chef Peter Pepper, Tron, and a few Ostrich Knights.

SONIC HUNTER:    On the 90's side, it's Sonic, Knuckles, Croft, and Scorpion.

Luigi:    Here's the level change. The final level and the final showdown is at hand!!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    The final level is..........look at all that water, Hunter. And those stone pillars. This could only be one place.

SONIC HUNTER:    It's the Aquatic Ruin Zone from Sonic the Hedgehog 2! Now Sonic has the advantage of terrain familiarity here! This place is waterlogged, meaning that there will be a disadvantage here for Tron and his Light Cycle.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    The remaining four Ostrich Knights regroup and are preparing for another charge against the 90's squad. The knights raise their lances and start gliding at Sonic, Knuckles, Lara, and Scorpion.

SONIC HUNTER:    They're picking up speed and are about to impale them on their lances.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    But what's this?

SONIC HUNTER:    There's something funny about that wall. Something is breaking it down.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Some things are breaking it down. Actually, Grounders!

SONIC HUNTER:    The Grounders collide with the remaining ostrich knights.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    They're out now. And Space Ace's energy has run out, turning back to Dexter.

SONIC HUNTER:    Just as he was sneaking up on Lara Croft.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    It seems that Ms. Croft is using her female body to her advantage and...whoa! Check out that pose.

SONIC HUNTER:    Nerdy alter-ego of Space Ace, Dexter, passes out from seeing the incredibly well-built Lara Croft.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Pac Man commands the 80's team to break cover and rush the enemy ranks. Paccy, Peter, Kang, and Tron rush the remaining four guys on the 90's team.

SONIC HUNTER:    Scorpion is firing his harpoon.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    But not at any of the 80's guys. He's firing at the stone wall.

SONIC HUNTER:    Tron crashes into the cable and goes flying off his light cycle. CRASH!!!!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Oooh, that's gotta hurt.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    And down he goes into something you'll find in every video game.

SONIC HUNTER:    Bottomless pits.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Pac Man, still energized tackles Knuckles and they're wrestling around on the ground.

SONIC HUNTER:    They seem to be wrestling awfully close to that whirlpool.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Big mistake. They are getting sucked into the same bottomless pit!

SONIC HUNTER:    Lara and Scorpion are confronting Peter and Kang. No sign of Sonic.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Where'd he go?

SONIC HUNTER:    I don't know. But Lara is brandishing her pistols and the good chef has his pepper. He's about ready to throw a cloud of pepper in their faces while Kangaroo stands ready to punch their lights out.

Mario:    Hey, what's that?

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Scorpion notices that it's Sonic and he's turned white?

SONIC HUNTER:    He's become Super Sonic. He must have been searching all this time for power rings!

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Super Sonic charges the chef and marsupial.

SONIC HUNTER:    KAPOW!! Oooh, that had to hurt.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Both the chef and marsupial are knocked out. Wait.

SONIC HUNTER:    Chef Peter Pepper breaks off a reed in the water....

ANGRY NET SURFER:    ....and is tying his white apron to it.

SONIC HUNTER:    He's waving the proverbial white flag.

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

80s All Stars: 361

90s All Stars: 469

THE WRAP UP

Luigi:    That was quite a fight. I'm back with the burgers, guys.

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Thanks, Luigi. Hmmm, this burger tastes kinda funny. And there's a pair of sunglasses in it....

SONIC HUNTER:    And where did this big demonic horn come from?

ANGRY NET SURFER:    Okay, Luigi. Where'd these burgers come from?

Mario:    This is your sideline commentator, Mario, and my brother Luigi there who's being strangled by Angry Net Surfer and Sonic Hunter. All of us are signing off. Have a nice day!

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

All these video game characters (TM) are the property (c) of their many respective owners - whoever they may be.

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles