THE SCENARIO

JAMES BOND: 007 Lisenced to Kill in her majesty's secret service. A mixture of skill, cunning and luck always seems to put JB on top of the bad guys, and the ladies. Sean Connery leads this spy battle but we need not forget George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan.

THE SAINT: Simon Templar, the undisputed Master of Disguse, clinging to raw nerve and chutzpah to bluff through the situation. Well dressed, fast cars and of course, beautiful women. His impetus, the plight of the innocent soul in need of a patron saint. Making some cash in the process is not out of the question.

Both have been enlisted from different directions to stop a Middle East terrorist group smuggling nuclear weapons out of the former Soviet Union. Who discoveres the ringmaster and busts the plot, first? You decide.

Dashing? Yes! Debonaire? Definitely! Sexy? Well, the audience will be! Join us now in a fight we had to call:

A Dr. from Russia only lived twice because a spy who loved him never said never when the Saints came marching in.

This fight was suggested (repeatedly) by ChaosBurnFlame

THE SPORTS BOX

PAT:  Hello, everybody, Pat Summers, here, with Jay Peoples bringing you a match-up of skill, guile and seduction. Rumor has it that British Secret Service agent 007, James Bond has been sent out to stop radical Middle East terrorists from smuggling weapons of mass destruction out of Russia... We believe the destination to be here in Hurlbertistan, Afghanastan. Jay?

JAY:  Thanks, Pat. My sources tell me that none other than Simon Templar, aka The Saint, has been hired by western interest to do the same thing. So, the big question is: Who gets there first? Oh, and we have to apologize for last week. Apparently the scheduler was bribed, there were weasels involved...

PAT:  Jay, let's get on with the task at hand. So, it's the ultimate master of disguises in a battle of deception and intrigue against the ultimate master of everything else.

JAY:  That's right, Pat. And, would you look at this crowd! Talk about a babefest!

PAT:  Let's see what the fans are saying about this match-up.

YOUR OPINIONS

ChaosBurnFlame writes:

Thanks for taking my suggestion! I have alot to say about this one! #1, if you look in the film history, you'd see that both James Bond and The Saint were played by Roger Moore, who I think is the best Bond. Thats why I wanted to see this fight, a sorta Roger Moore vs Roger Moore, but thats another matter.

its a toss up, but I think taht most likely its 007. Why? Because he's sneaky and a good weapon's man. The Saint may have a few tricks up his sleeve, but Bond is always ready and always finished with a girl and saves the day.

Darchik writes:

Bond is the best, doesn't matter who he's played by, He'll always be the best, put him up against anyother spy and I'll bet he'll come out on top

Sailor Xena writes:

This will be close, but James Bond wiil win. Bond will have the complete resorces of MI6, the Saint will only have his wits and his make-up case. And besides, Bond has been poryrayed by 4 totaly hung studs (Connery, Moore, Daulton, and Bronsen); the Saint, only one (Kilmer).

Grifter writes:

This was the hardest decision of my life. But I decided to go with The Saint because he has what it takes to get inside the lines without being detected and get the information. Another advantage of the Saint, is that he thinks with is brain and is not is D*%#. Although the Saint would have problems in the technological department. We all know that 007 has more gadgets than Inspector Gadget.

warrl writes:

ummm, this is a joke right? The Saint against Mr. Bond. no contest, 007 will kick his butt from here to the next really bad movie remake of a tv show. the guy has a license to KILL. and dose so on a regular basis. the saint can disguise himself,oooo. James is gonna tear him a new one.

Castor writes:

James is smooth and if the contest involved getting secret information, he'd get my vote. But to get into and out of foreign countries you need disguieses and accents and the talents of The Saint.

LordFish writes:

When I saw this fight suggestion, i almost spit grape soda all over my monitor...I mean who was gonna vote for the Saint? Then I got to thinking. Okay if this were an all out fair-fight, Bond would whup the Saint's little pansy ass. But we're talking about busting terrorists here, Bond doesn't technically "bust" people. He just hangs out in Casinos, gets lucky, and ocassionally shoots thugs or hat throwing henchmen. In the end I had to go with the Saint, even if I didn't like it.

I could tell you who I am, but then I'd have to kill you... writes:

The Saint is simply outclassed, outmanned, outgunned, and ultimately outlived. Bond...James Bond. He's got the toys and the chicks. (Yes, even the ones that try to kill him, but they all end up his, nonetheless.)

The Klaw writes:

Let's see, James Bond or the Saint. James Bond went through how many actors to get here today while the Saint has a grand total of...2. There's probably a reason for that. Let's just say that the Saint will be shaken, not stirred.

Big Duck writes:

It was a tough call. They both got cool toys. Both are cunning. Both can outmatch any truckload of dumb bad guys (depending on your point of view of who the bad guy is, of course) But: James can fight better, get the women easier, is WAY classier and sells more movie tickets. One smirk and the Saint is outclassed....

Bald Eagle writes:

Bond is best. Bond is the orginal, movie-wise. Older is better. Bald is better (see Sean without wig). All the above says Bond is best.

Derrick The Red writes:

To pick the winner of this fight, just look at the opponents defeated by The Saint and 007. Name The Saint's enemies. I'm waiting....I'm still waiting...I'm looking at my watch..still waiting...give up? Okay. Now name the enemies Bond has waxed. Dr. No. Goldfinger. Scaramanga. Rosa Klebb. Oddjob. Blofeld. SPECTRE.

Just by the fact that James Bond has regularly taken on and beaten a veritable army of would be world conquering supervillains, not to mention surviving everything they threw at him leaves him the only superspy standing in this poorly matched contest.

THE BATTLE

JAY:  We've got some reports coming in that suggest that the game is afoot. From Insurlik, Turkey, it seems two James Bonds had an altercation at Akmed's Leather Goods/Brothel/Bar/Bowling Alley. One Bond passed out, apparently drugged, and awoke with a St. Chrisopher Medallion in his hand. Pat, it appears as if the Saint has gotten in the first jab!

PAT:  It gets worse for Bond, Jay. This in from Georgia, the former Soviet State, not the Peach State, 5 Kurdistani rebels and four Russian diplomats were found dead with an empty attache case and a halo stickpin and a Mercedes Benz. Sources confirm that the rebels attacked the diplomats and fled with the contents of the attache case... One envelope.

JAY:  Pat, it looks as if the Saint is one step ahead of Bond at every turn!

PAT:  As hard to believe as that may seem, it appears to be the case.

JAY:  The crowd, mostly women, appear to be pro-Bond, with signs saying "Marry Me, James!" or assorted variations on that theme.

PAT:  Jay, I've got a breaking story that may be related to our contest. A Soviet built AN-124 Condor is wildly off course and may be heading to our location!

JAY:  That's right, Pat! And, the pilot and co-pilot were found dead in the Russian countryside.... Apparently, they were shot! The aircraft, one of the world's largest, is being piloted by a General Krechenko. The original flight plan had it going to Georgia!

PAT:  Now, that's a coincidence!

JAY:  Pat, if I were a betting man, I'd say that the Saint was involved in this, somehow!

PAT:  You've always been the smart one, Jay.

JAY:  There's definitely no sign of either Bond or Templar, here in Hurlbertistan!

PAT:  Jay, I see the Condor making it's final approach! From the angle of it's landing, this baby appears to be loaded down!

JAY:  If it is what we think it is, Pat, it would have to be!

PAT:  It's touching down! Whoa! Look at those tires smoke! I hope the Saint or Bond show up, soon! The fate of the world is in their hands!

JAY:  As the plane comes to a halt, at least a dozen vehicles are driving toward it at high speed! Pat, isn't that...

PAT:  Yes, it is, Jay. It's Colonel Kabol standing in the lead Jeep. Must be a power thing. He's a a known champion of western causes in this part of the world... Could it be he's turned against us?

JAY:  The crowd is buzzing with excitement as the doors to the large aircraft open. Kabol's troops surround the aircraft, weapons ready to fire on command.

PAT:  I see a figure emerging! Good God, it's Simon Templar! He's done it! He's delivered the goods! He's walking over to Col. Kabol.

JAY:  The Colonel Kabol is reaching for something behind his back... no, he just pulled off his face!

PAT:  I don't believe, it's James Bond! He's just completed the Gemina Maneuver! Apparently, he led Templar on a string every step of the way!

JAY:  Simon Templar, master of disguise, was just beat at his own game.

PAT:  The Saint simply bows... Yielding to the master!

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE:

Bond, James Bond: 299

The Saint: 95

THE WRAP UP

PAT:  I'm Pat Summers

JAY:  And, I'm Jay Peoples saying, "Adios" or whatever they say here!

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

James Bond (TM) is the property � of Ian Fleming (?)

The Saint (TM) is the property � of (unknown)

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

"Pat & Jay" written by Herb & Brian

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles