THE SCENARIO

Tribal Tree Folk vs. Nomadic Scavengers... What happens when an advance Jawa expedition tries to ply it's trade on Endor?

Merely Star Wars Comic Relief, or are these serious contenders?

This weeks fight suggested by Phil Anderson.

THE SPORTS BOX

PAT:   Hello and Welcome to the Forest Moon of Endor where we have an interesting match for you today. LIVE I'm Pat Summers.

JAY:   And I'm Jay Peoples. It's a battle of the Star Wars critters. Jawas VS Ewoks and cute as they might be, this will be a nasty match.

PAT:  Yes indeed. The Jawas are intent on carrying out some Salvage Operations on Endor. They've even brought along their state of the art Forest Crawler (TM). However... it seems they've made the Ewoks mad. What's the scoop there, Jay?

JAY:   Ooops. It would seem that the Jawas have just driven over a sacred burial mound. A BIG no-no in Ewok culture.

PAT:  Yes... those Ewoks HATE IT when people just come along and drive over their dead relatives. Well, the Ewoks are already sneaking up on the Forest Crawler, but while we have a moment let's see what the audience thought...

YOUR OPINIONS

Josh Hall writes:

Okay. So the Ewoks deserve to die. They're small, cute, fuzzy. They're the worst part of Jedi. The best part of the new Jedi is that they took out that damn yip yip song at the end. But unfortunately, realistically speaking, the Jawas suck in a fight. Put a lone Jawa versus a lone Ewok, and you're gonna end up with nothing more than a blood smeared brown robe.

Edward Woods writes:

The Jawas will win for one reason. The Ewoks are THE most annoying things in the universe. While they are busy fighting the jawas with their spears, all the other creatures in the UNIVERSE will side with the Jawas.

Joey C. writes:

Well, you know, like, it would depend on where it was. If it was underwater, Jaws would eat all the Ewoks. If it was on land, Jaws wouldn't be able to breathe so he'd die, and all the Ewoks could stab him. That would be cool.

Uhhh.... Joey, that's "Jawas", not "Jaws".

Yeah, right after I sent it I noticed it said Jawas. I felt like an idiot. I think the Ewoks could win.

THE BATTLE

JAY:   Pat look! The Ewoks are getting ready to lay an ambush on the Jawas' Crawler. Looks like they're using all of their knowledge from trashing the Empire's Walkers years ago.

PAT:  Yes, it's true, Jay. However... the Jawa's "Forest Crawler"(TM) is not really a combat vehicle... even though it's large. This could be bad for the Jawas.

JAY:   I can see several groups of Ewoks gathering up in the trees waiting to jump on with vines when the Crawler passes under them. The fight is about to start!

PAT:   And there they go folks! The advance Ewok vine-team is swinging onto the crawler while an elite Ewok strike-force tries to take out the treads.

JAY:   The Jawas don't seemed to notice that they're being boarded!

PAT:   No... I'm sure they've noticed. They got them freaky glowin' eyes, for cryin' out loud! I believe they are unconcerned, Jay! I mean... what can a bunch o' furry primates with.... OH MY GOD!

JAY:   Furry primates with battering rams the size of a redwood trees! There must be a hundred of those fury critters pushing 'em forward, aimed directly for the front treads.

PAT:   Ooof! That's gotta hurt! Well... The "Forest Crawler"(TM) has moved it's last inch for awhile. Glowy-eyed Jawas are pulling blasters and shooting blind into the forest!

JAY:   I can hear the Ewoks battle horns sounding throughout the forest, a full scale assault is imminent. The Jawas' are going to be up to their glowing eyeballs with angry teddy bears very soon.

PAT:  The Jawas are bringing the few heavy blasters on the "Forest Crawler"(TM) into play! I smell burnt Ewok, Jay.

JAY:   Yes Pat, the Jawas' may have all the toys but the Ewoks got the numbers. Hundreds of of 'em are charging the Crawler with ladders or swinging onto it with vines.

PAT:  Folks... the carnage here is spectacular! Now let's get an up close view with our own SideLine Commentator Frank Williams...

No, you can't be serious. Teddy bears? Pssh! Only reason they beat the Empire in that ONE battle was because they had human help. Now, they're on their own with Jawas, baby! You don't mess with little guys with glowing eyes! They look like little Grim Reapers, you know. That has to count for something! And blasters are an added bonus. Back to you!

PAT:  Thanks Frank. What do you have now, Jay?

JAY:   The Ewoks are laying a furious siege to the Crawler. About two-thirds of the Ewoks are trying to board the Crawler while the rest covers them with bows and arrows. The Ewoks are outgunned but they have accuracy through volume.

PAT:  Some serious hand to hand fighting is now taking place as the Jawas retreat to find some defensible position within the huge "Forest Crawler"(TM). Jay, there's bloody brown robes littering the ground.

JAY:   It's like watching invading soldiers trying to storm a castle. The Jawas' are barely holding on even though they're inflicting heavy casualties on the Ewoks.

PAT:   The Jawas have managed to hole-up in a defensible position... It's last stand time as... wait... we have a connection now with our own Jack Gibson who has this special report...

Thanks Pat, I'm standing here at the base of a tree watching the onslaught with my camera guy. Its maddening! The Jawa's Forest Crawler looks like a porcupine and the Ewoks look like army ants on the move. I don't think the Jawa's can take the Ewoks down fast enough, but on the other hand I don't think the Ewoks can continue with these kinds of losses. This fight can go either way. Back to you Pat. Hey, where did you come from? Hey! Get off my leg you little fur ball!!! OFF I mean it!!

PAT:  Thanks Jack. What's going on now, Jay?

JAY:   The entire situation is pure havoc. The Ewoks have beaten the Jawas' back inside the massive Crawler but the Jawas' are just managing to keep them out... Wait, I see Ewoks gathering around a cargo door at the rear of the Crawler!

PAT:   But the Jawas have a desperate plan! Opening the cargo door... they are sending out all their stupid salvaged droids to fight! R2's, RU's, C3's, IG's!!

JAY:   Great, Pat... Reject droids a few mega-bites short of a full load. The Ewoks don't look too afraid since they faced down Imperial Walkers... they're attacking them by jabbing their spears into their leg joints!

PAT:  Ho-Ho! But what the Ewoks didn't know was that the Jawas rigged all the droids with thermite detonators! WHOOOM! Ewok Barbecue!

JAY:   That was devastating to watch but it was not enough to totally stop the remaining Ewoks. The survivors are looking mighty pissed Pat and they're charging back at that open cargo door again...

PAT:  Oh the carnage! The Carnage!

JAY:   The Ewoks are savagely storming the Crawler, just stabbing, clubbing every unfortunate Jawas' that gets into their path.

PAT:   Oh, those poor brown robes... I Can't watch!

THE FINAL VOTE

Ewoks: 87

THE WRAP UP

PAT:  That's a wrap! Live from the forest of Endor, this has been Pat Summers.

JAY:   And Jay Peop... My God! The Ewoks are feasting on the corpses!

Special Thanxs to: Star Wars Pictures

Special Thanxs to: Greedohan's Star Wars

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:

JAWA (TM) is the property � of Lucusfilms & George Lucas.

EWOK (TM) is the property � of Lucusfilms & George Lucas.

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

The Part of Pat written by Serge - Electric Ferret Studios

The Part of Jay written by Shawn - Callisto Tales

The part of Frank Williams by Robert - Callisto's Corner of Tartarus

The part of Jack Gibson by Kevin Bello

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles