The CBUB Character Database

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Happy Elves get ANGRY!

KEEBLER ELVES En Garde! KELLOGGS ELVES
KEEBLER ELVES
vs.
KRISPY ELVES

THE SCENARIO

Ooooh, these are some angry elves, folks. It seems there's an argument over who gets more of the prime Saturday Morning advertising blocks.

Let the battle begin!

This week's fight suggested by Brad P.:

THE SPORTS BOX

PAT:   Hello and welcome to beautiful Khazan Arena. We have an amazing match for you today as we watch happy elf bash happy elf in a fight of tasty treats which are neat to eat. Two bunkers with trenches have been erected on either side of the arena... staging areas for elfin war machines and magic makers. Live, I'm Pat Summers...

JAY:   And I'm Jay Peoples. Studying the staging area I must say these guys are serious. There must a hundred elves on either side! Rifles, grenades, weird little tanks, cannons, and some other things I have no idea what they are! I see the head honcho Keebler Elf is Ebeneezer giving finally orders to his troops and the Krispy Elfs - Snap, Crackle, Pop guys are hurrying along to get all their soldiers into place. This is going to be a elfin bloodbath!

PAT:   And while they are warming up, let's get some viewer response.

YOUR OPINIONS

Cydney and Danielle write:

I'd just like everyone to know that those Keebler elves are very good at team tactics; if you've seen the ads, you know the krispy kritters can't stop fighting each other over who's the loudest. So the Keebler Elves are gonna Snap! Crackle! and Pop! them into outer space.

THE BATTLE

JAY:   We got the signal and the match is on! Ebeneezer immediately orders his men to fire a barrage of mortar fire. They impact along the front line of Krispy Elves forces, they're not explosives... I see yellow smoke bellowing up... I think they're stink bombs Pat.

PAT:   Snap, on the Kelloggs front lines, orders his troops to take cover whilst using his super-secret-toy-surprise decoder ring to communicate with Pop. Pop is heading-up the catapult division and let's fly with marshmallow Krispy Balls at the Keebler Mortar Batteries.

JAY:   It's death from above as the Krispy Balls crushes Keebler mortar batteries and a few unlucky or slow elves in the process. Wait, Keebler is ordering his tanks forward. A few of them open fire and they're using super hard chunks of chocolate for projectiles!

PAT:   Snap orders the elf infantry forward, dodging from fox hole to foxhole as chocolate death rains from the sky! Oh, the carnage!!

JAY:   Keebler tanks continue to close in on the elf infantry. Pat, those tanks are firing enough chocolate to sink a battleship! The devastation!!

PAT:   Snap is getting his men closer to the tanks, making those big, long range guns useless. General Krackle is making a move too, with his fast moving Wacky Racer assault team.

JAY:   General Ebeneezer is still ordering his tanks forward to run down the infantry under their tracks if they have to and he is assembling his own infantry to cleanup after them. This is going to get messy!!

PAT:   Ahhh... But the Kellogg elves are throwing hyper-nutritious-super-sugar-coated gut bombs out to blow the treads! The fast moving Wacky Racer assault team is charging across the battlefield, heading for the Keebler lines!

JAY:   With their tanks basically taken out, General Ebeneezer now has to order his men to stand and defend. They're readying a wild and crazy assortment of weapons. The chocolate is really going to be hitting the fan in a few seconds Pat!

PAT:   The Wacky racer assault team is going to hit them like a ton of bricks, Jay.

JAY:   Ebeneezer shouts out an order and a dozen elves along the trench stand-up with a flame-thrower style weapons... they're spraying the entire Wacky racer assault team with quick hardening whip cream!!

PAT:   Ohhh, that's a hard break for Krackle elf of the Kelloggs team. The Wacky Racers that can flee are doing so... but the Kellogg front line has advanced considerably, and dug in. Snap is not taking chances.

JAY:   Ebeneezer is surveying the Kellogg line and it looks like he's about to pull out all the stops. He's issuing orders to his troops... Something's afoot!

PAT:   While we have a moment of breathing room... Let's go to our own Frank Williams who has this special report...

Thank you! This is Frank Williams reporting from the sidelines. I've been doing a survey amongst the audience and it is official: Fudge-Stripe cookies are better than Rice Krispie treats! Long live Keebler! Back to you, Pat.

PAT:   Thanks, Frank. What do you have, Jay?

Aiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi

JAY:   Now I have seen everything. Ebeneezer has unleash his secret weapon, a pack of Amazon elven maidens! They're leaping, kicking, punching and... whoa! ...The Amazons are threatening to overrun the Kellogg lines!

PAT:   Snap's Rice Krispy elves are fighting like mad dogs out there... There's elves with Corn-Poppers, Sugar-Smackers, Cap'n-Crunchers, Frosted-Flakers and Coco-puffers! My God, war is Hell!!

JAY:   Ebeneezer is standing up from his trench, magic wand in hand, and leading the rest of his elven soldiers into battle. All are armed with the most lethal of kitchen utensils: rolling pins, cookie cutters, mixing spoons, egg beaters. This match is pure savagery!

PAT:   Jay, The Kelloggs team is crumbling like stale Krispy Treats out there. Lets go live now to our On-Location reporter Jack Gibson who is at Kelloggs H.Q.

Thanks Pat! I'm here at the Kelloggs H.Q. and it is total pandemonium! I had the opportunity to ask a few questions before everything deflated like a bad cake for this team, and they were pretty confident about winning this ordeal. However, after the set backs dealt them... I'm not so sure now and have seen a lot of nervousness in the ranks. But this thing is just to close to call at the moment, it could still go either way! Now back to you Pat....

PAT:   Thanks Jack! What do you have, Jay?

JAY:   I have witness the most disgusting use of kitchen items I have ever seen! Ebeneezer is now bringing his magic wand into play to turn several Krispy elves in doughmen and commanding them to attack their comrades.

PAT:   Oh, the horror! The secret shame! Krispy elves are running for their lives as the Keebler onslaught drives them under. General Pop of the Krispy brigade is laying down a suppressing fire of Butterscotch Treats, but the Keeblers are still racing across the battlefield.

JAY:   Team Keebler is unstoppable and they're pushing the Krispy elves right back to their lines. Looks like Ebeneezer is leading his team to victory!

PAT:   The Keebler elves are in a berserk rage of blood and death. I just can't watch anymore. This fight is over...

THE FINAL VOTE

'Nuff Said!

FINAL VOTE

Keebler Cookie Elves: 106

Kellogg's Krispy Elves: 39

THE WRAP UP

PAT:   From the Arena of Khazan, I'm Pat Summers.

JAY:   And I'm Jay Peoples. Goodnight all.

Special Thanxs to: Official Keebler Website!

Special Thanxs to: Official Kelloggs Website!

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE: Keebler Elves (TM) are the property (c) of Keebler. Krispy Elves (TM) are the property (c) of Kelloggs. This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

The Part of Pat written by Serge - Electric Ferret Studios

The Part of Jay written by Shawn - Callisto Tales

The part of Frank Williams by Robert - Callisto's Corner of Tartarus

The part of Jack Gibson by Kevin Bello

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles