JAY: All right! The remote is down on the coffee table and Homer and Al are both seated at the couch waiting for the whistle to start the match. I see them staring at one another, a little psychological warfare going on here....
PAT: And there's the whistle! Both have reached.. yes, yes... they reach... and Al get's a handful of pretzels while Homer grabs a beer from the table. Wow! What an opening gambit by these two crafty dogs.
-Wait, Homer makes a grab for the remote while taking a big swill of beer. Homer is successful! He kicks up his feet on the coffee table while clicking on the TV. Hmmm... Homer is giggling over a Krazy glue commercial as that guy hangs from his head
on that steel beam.
I seen that same commercial for years and that same guy is
still up stuck up there... HAHAHAHAHAHA!
PAT: Al points and laughs too! Now Al cracks a beer and puts his feet up. But we know what Al wants...
JAY: O.K., commercial is over and... Wow! HOmer is switching channels. He's either a real hunter or acting on a natural reflex. Comments Pat?
PAT: Al is starting to look twitchy, Jay. Hondo will be on any moment. He's taking an extra deep swig... waiting for Homer to set down the...
JAY: Homer just tuned in on the ALL FISHING NETWORK. Ug! They are showing the correct way to bait a worm on your hook. Al can't take anymore. Sound please...
AL: Homer, I MUST see Hondo!
HOMER: The car?
AL: NO, not Honda! John Wayne!
HOMER: What's the big deal, you can always see it later!
PAT: Al is licking his lips, Jay... Yes.. Yes.. There's the grab folks! Al
has control of the remote!
JAY: With remote in hand Al tunes in to his program, he sighs and relaxes. However Homer looks worried. I wonder what he's thinking? Can we get a Mind Scan on this, please?
Told Bart I would take him fishing... Must teach him how to fish... DOH! I don't know how to fish either!
PAT: Well Al is looking real cozy, Jay. He's got his beer in one hand... but oh no... he's going for a pretzel. The remote has been placed carelessly on the couch.
JAY: The intro to Hondo is starting and Homer's hand slowly creeps towards the remote... He switches it back to the Fishing Network! What a move! Al glares over at
Homer who is now whistling innocently with his hands on his lap.
PAT: Wow, what a turn of events. Let's go LIVE now to our own Frank Williams who has this commentary...
I don't know why Homer even bothers. I mean, Al scored four touchdowns in one game! What in the hell has Homeboy ever done? Besides become monstrously obese? Al just wants that victory more, so Homer might as well get his butt off of that
couch now! Back to you, Pat.
PAT: Thanks Frank. What do you have, Jay?
JAY: Well Pat, Al and Homer are yelling at one another while each takes a turn switching the TV to the station they want and then slamming the remote on the coffee table. It's getting very ugly and rough on the remote. Let's get a live sound feed from
Hondo, doughnut man!
Fishing, shoe salesman!!
PAT: Wait a sec... Homer has the pretzel bowl...
We're watching fishing or I'm taking my pretzels and going
JAY: Al grabs the bowl from Homer...
You can't! Your pretzels are in our bowl!
PAT: Boy, Jay, it's hard to argue with that logic! Were getting a live feed
now from our own Jack Gibson who is on location with this angle of
Thanks Pat. The nasty glares are flying and so are the pretzels, and
this has just been pure hell on the remote! That remote may just very well give out before one of our contestants does. I've never seen the likes of this before and I hope I never have to again! Back to you Pat......."
PAT: Thanks Jack. Alright, now what's happening, Jay?
JAY: Homer has snatched the pretzel bowl away from Al and is... oh my! Homer just dumps the entire bowl over Al's head, saying...
In that case I don't want my pretzels anymore!
PAT: Whoa... Al is not happy, Jay. He's... yes he's grabbed a can of beer, there's the shake... and oh, the suds are flying folks! It's a beer can foam explosion all over Homer.
JAY: I don't understand, Homer is just sitting there... Wait, he is licking his lips and saying....
PAT: Al has switched the channel back to Hondo. The ball is in Homer's court folks. This is a moment of great decision... Will Homer cave in? Will he eat pretzels, drink beer and watch Hondo...?
JAY: Homer is sitting there still enjoying the taste of the beer. Wait, his eyes pops open wide. I think he finally realizes that beer in the face was meant to be an insult. He lunges at Al!
WHY YOU SHOE SALESMAN!!
Donut chomping freak boy!
JAY: They are up and fighting! Al lets loose a vicious right at Homer and it connects!
PAT: It's all over folks! Ol' Glass-Jaw Homer Simpson has hit the mat. Al Bundy has taken firm possession of the Couch and the remote. It looks like we'll be watching Hondo, Jay.