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Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs. Bram Stoker's Dracula. What's that? You didn't SEE Bram Stoker's Dracula?

Good for you! Rent Buffy again!

THANXS to Nancy Hutchins for the fight suggestion.


PAT:  Hello and we are LIVE from Camp Crystal Lake where we are looking at a very exciting contest between Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Count Dracula. Good evening, I'm Pat Summers.

JAY:  And I'm Jay Peoples. A teenage Vampire Slayer vs the ultimate grandaddy of vampires! I think the Count will be feeling more at home here than the Buffster, it's a dark and stormy night and let's not forget the history of this place.

PAT:  Yes, it's too grim a location, Jay, for such a lovely young lady. And here comes Buffy now, and let me tell you, she is packing heat! She's wearing a black cat suit, black leather Doc Martin's, back pack and is literally bristling with weapons of Vampire Destruction.

JAY:  I'm in love.... errr... I mean I'm impressed!! Here's comes the Prince of Darkness. He just dropped out of the sky. He's dressed in the traditional black suit and cape. They're in the center of the campground... Buffy has her Holy Water Super-Soaker out and is looking deadly serious. Dracula appears to be more amused than anything.

PAT:  The two are sizing each other up, and while were waiting for the ref to start this thing, lets see what some of the viewers had to say about this weeks match-up:


Don Rice writes:

The vote's still out for me on Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- it's a great concept but I haven't decided if it's being done well enough yet to be truly cool. On the other hand, there's no doubt that Coppola's "Bram Stoker's Dracula" was a truly annoying movie! Buffy wins!

Ben Church writes:

It's gonna be close, Drac's powerful, and he can fly, but Buffy's got the moves, and strength almost equal to his own.


JAY:  Cool stuff. All right the ref is now giving the signal to begin the match. WHOA!! The Count is lunging forward shape shifting into a giant wolf...

PAT:  Buffy jumps... and.. wait. The Count is gone. It was a fake-out. The Count has escaped into the darkness. She's shouldering her Holy Water Super-Soaker and marching into the night.

JAY:  It looks like she's about to do a cabin by cabin search. She's moving along a wall, wooden stake drawn... Wait! A hand breakthroughs one of the windows and tries grabbing Buffy by the jacket. She twists away and grabs her attacker by the arm...

PAT:  Buffy braces a foot, pulls, twists... she's so fast... so strong... she is pulling someone out of the window... Jay, is that the Count?

JAY:  No, unless he started wearing a hockey mask! It's that annoying Jason guy. She pulls out Jason and throws him to the ground... Buffy has pulled a machete now!

PAT:  I th... GODS! Never even saw him! The Count appeared from behind and slashed Buffy with razor sharp claws! Buffy's in action... rolling... she's up with the machete in hand.... And Dracula is holding her backpack!!

JAY:  She furious Pat, Buffy charges forward drawing another wooden stake with her left hand. Jason is on his hands and knees trying to get up but she uses him as a jumping post for a flying kick into Dracula...

PAT:  Dracula sidesteps and catches her foot mid-air! He begins to spin, keeping hold of Buffy.... this could be bad...

JAY:  He lets her go straight into Jason who just got back up on his feet. They both go down but Buffy bolts right back up. She's really furious now Pat! Jason is standing up directly behind Buffy... this could get worse!

PAT:  OH YES! With a casual backhand, Buffy whips the machete up and buries it right in the old hockey mask! She never even turned around. Jason has a huge blade stuck in his face, and Jay, I cannot express what a deeply satisfying moment this is for me.

JAY:  But it's not enough! He won't go down! Buffy pulls the machete out from Jason's face and spins completely about in one quick motion cutting a swath through his knee caps. Jason topples like a tree... beautiful move!

PAT:  Dracula is lunging again...

JAY:  Buffy switches the wooden stake to her right hand and leaps forward...

PAT:  They clash mid air.. it's too fast, too dark.. I.. I...

JAY:  Buffy tagged him!! She staked him in the abdomen!! Just below the heart... a near miss!

PAT:  The two have landed and spin to face each other again. Drac looks pissed, folks, and he is totally vamping out... red eyes, super claws, fangs... This is not pretty.

JAY:  Buffy draws another stake from under her jacket and gives Dracula a sympathetic look. She's saying something...

Did I put a hole in your new dress suit? Here, lets make a matching pair!!

PAT:  Buffy charges... tucks into a roll... Drac is leaping past her... Buffy uncoils like a spring and jumps... Damn she's fast... She's landed on the Count's back!

JAY:  But not fast enough! The Count rolls over knocking Buffy off before she can strike...

PAT:  THUD! Buffy hits the ground.. the Count is gonna dive bomb her! But...wait... something's beside her hand... the Super Soaker and BackPack!

JAY:  She grabs her backpack and swings... CRACK! What a HIT! She knocks the Count right out of the air!

PAT:  Jay, the speed and power of this young woman would be hard to believe if you weren't seeing it.

JAY:  She's deceptively powerful Pat, and Dracula is finding this out the hard way. He's now almost knocked senseless and Buffy is reaching for the Super Soaker...

You stink, old man. Take a bath!

PAT:  Buffy is hosing down the Count! Oh, that's got to hurt.

JAY:  Smoke is rising... and.. and.. he's gone!

PAT:  Yes, folks, the ref is calling it. Dracula has fled into the night, the loser this evening, and Buffy wins!

JAY:  And the final vote tally is a total blowout!




BUFFY: 208



PAT:  Be here next week for big Star Trek action. From Camp Crystal Lake- I'm Pat Summers

JAY:  And I'm Jay Peoples. Good night.

Special Thanxs to Steve's Buffy Site for pics used in this weeks bout.

Special Thanxs to R.V. Vampire Resources for pics used in this weeks bout.

DISCLAIMER / NOTICE: All "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Stuff is the Absoloute Sole Property of Warner Brothers. No infringement is intended, this is just for fun!

The Part of Pat written by Serge - Electric Ferret Studios

The Part of Jay written by Shawn - Callisto Tales

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