DamieN: Okay, the comm system is up again.
While we were away, a single 8472 bioship and a Shadow battlecrab have
cautiously left their main groups.
They're closing in on each other fast in the gulf between the great
JUSTICAR: The 8472 bioship is making a
quick flanking maneuver. Its now at the rear of the battlecrab. The
bioship has the advantage.
DamieN: There's the shot and... the energy
blast only grazes the Shadow vessel, blasting off the tip of one of its
spiny protrusions. I'll wager that wasn't something that the Shadows
wanted. The Species craft is right on the battlecrab's six, preparing
to fire again.
JUSTICAR: The bioship is still holding
behind the battlecrab. Incredible! The battlecrab has just spun around.
Its was lulling the bioship. The Species ship is caught off guard. It
wasn't expecting that much maneuverability! The Shadow has its slicer
beam locked on. The bioship is spastically trying to evade the beam
attack, but it can't.
DamieN: The bioship finally shakes off that
purple beam o' death, and it's a good thing, since it looks like it was
starting to penetrate the ship's skin. Now the bioship is...my
word...it's charging straight at the Shadow vessel! That pilot must be
one bold guy, or girl, or it, or other...
JUSTICAR: With 5 sexes, who knows? That
just gives sexual harassment a whole new meaning. Ouch! With a
tremendous SPLAT!! the Species bioship has just rammed the Shadow
battlecrab. Its attempting to leech into battlecrab. Now as all B5ers
know things that just graze a Shadowship die. I would venture to guess
that is what's causing that nasty, gangrenous black discoloration on the
DamieN: Now there's an odd sight, the
Species ship is infected with some...thing, but the Shadow ships being
dissolved through. I think they're dead, Justy.
JUSTICAR: Good prognosis Bones! It appears
that the duel is over and open warfare has been declared. Our cameras
monitoring the Shadow fleet are capturing the spectacular assemblage of
advancing Shadowcraft. This massive first wave assault is advancing in a
complex formation Yes! Here come the big budget effects that we've all
been waiting for! Both sides are opening fire...
DamieN: …And the Shadows can't break
through the enemy lines!. Species 8472 seems to be ignoring the Shadows'
spitfire fighters, instead taking out the cruisers with a couple direct
hits from their Cube-wasting weapons.
JUSTICAR: Hey look over there, A single
battlecrab has wandered astray of the main Shadow formation. Two
bioships have quickly flanked it. What can be going on now?
DamieN: That's odd, the bioships have come
to halt, and the Shadow vessel is starting to...to shake violently? I
think we know what this means...
JUSTICAR: Ah! An attempt to telepathically
injure the battlecrab. No Jedi mind tricks are going to mess with the
Shadows on this fine day. The Shadow battlecrab has broken free of the
Species mind grip.
DamieN: I guess some of the viewers were
right, Species 8472 isn't equipped to telepathically jam the Shadows.
Those two bioships are being surrounded
by some more battlecrabs coming out of hyperspace...the pilots are too
distracted to manuver ... and it's buh-bye for those unlucky 8472s, as
they're ships were just cut to ribbons by the First Ones.
JUSTICAR: The main Shadow advance seems to
be grinding to a halt. The 8472 front lines aren't going to collapse any
time soon. The lines are now frozen with destroyed ships on both sides
quickly being replaced. Woah, an entire wing of battlecrabs just phased
into hyperspace and appeared behind some 8472 craft utterly destroying
them. More wings are breaking off. It looks like the Shadows are
effecting guerilla tactics successfully. This could be bad for the
DamieN: Our extra dimensional guests must
be getting frustrated by these hit-and-run actions of the Shadows,
because I'm being informed that at least
SEVENTY more portals from fluidic space are opening up all over the star
system. The Shadows are gonna have to call in reinforcements as well.
Looks like whoop-ass season is about to enter full swing very shortly.
In fact, I believe that OIMVSAC Co-Founder, The Match Maker has a
hastily thrown together editorial standing by to declare just that.
The Match Maker: Yes my brethren, the day
has come to pass. The most anticipated of Multidimensional Massacres is
at hand! The most Afoul of Alien Annihilations is here! Yes brothers and
sisters, the Space faring Savages of Slaughter have met each other in
combat. Only the Fiercest of the Ferocious Foes can survive this epic
confrontation. For the very survival of the Bloodthirsty Beasts of
Burden is at stake!! Only ONE of these Repulsive
Ravaging Races shall survive the turmoil of this battle. Yes my
brethren, the Genocide of Grossest Greenies will happen before the day
is out!! Which Sickening Species of Scum will win this day? Which of the
Dementedly Deprived Demons will stave off extinction? I know not my
brothers and sisters. But before this day out one race shall raise their
"arms" high and proclaim themselves the Masters of Malicious Murdering
Mayhem. It has been written!!!
DamieN: Thanks for those words Match
Maker. I think you may have been inspirational for our warring races
this day, as the ENTIRE FREAKING SYSTEM
has turned into a battle ground. Virtually every cubic mile of space on
the view screen is crowded with opposing ships gunning for each other.
Every minute the Lieck's sensors are registering more kills than a Rambo
movie. It's incredible!
JUSTICAR: We're now receiving reports that
the battle has reached Khazan, HUZZAH!!! The night side of the planet
getting to a see a spectacle of laser fire and explosions. A dogfight of
Shadow spitfires and smaller bioships is underway over The Arena itself.
The box office is open for the home crowd. Skies are ablaze everywhere
as opposing craft are blasting everything in sight. What a show!
DamieN: And now we go to this special
report from Chris Mullane, for another perspective on all this cosmic
Chris Mullane: This is Chris *Shadows vs.
Species 8472* Mullane reporting from the OMIVSAC Infiltrator, a
ridicuoulsly overpowered Defiant-class vessel designed just for this
occasion. These two galactic foes have called in all the reserves for
this...the entire solar system is being assaulted from the crossfire!
There's nowhere to turn without seeing
destruction and carnage, it's glorious! I'm tracking a particularly
large group of Shadow battlecrabs which are attempting to stage some
sort of ambush behind a moon. They're grouping for a strike...no good! A
wave of Species bioships have phased in from fluidic space and are
laying down heavy damage. The Shadows are fleeing around the moon, but
one planetoid never stopped Species 8472 for long. Eight Species ship
are converging their weapons in a ring, now the ninth has
centered...BOOOOM! The moon has been obliterated, and most of the Shadow
vessels with it. Wait, what was that bright flash? Computer, analysis.
*chirp click click* Oh no...all of the dimensional gateways and phasing
in and out of hyperspace has destabilized the fabric of space near the
destroyed moon, some sort of rift has formed. It's gravity is
increasing, starting to pull us in! Full engines aren't enough to
DamieN: Chris, Chris are you there? Oh
cripes Justy, I think we've lost him! This is a disaster, without him,
who'll take command of the OMVSAC's mighty
legions? Hmmmm..... I wonder what sort of perks a Royal Grand Advocate
Chris Mullane: DamieN, Justicar, can you
DamieN: Oh, you're alive. That's just
f...freaking great news to hear, that's what! Whew, had us worried for
a second there, old buddy.
Chris Mullane: The rift only threw me to
the other end of the solar system, near the tenth planet's dark side.
Wait, if I'm facing away from the sun...it's not the dark side, it's the
Shadow's Planet Killer Cloud! It's preparing to launch behind a
battering ram of Shadow battleships. A few dozen Species ships were also
swallowed into the rift, and I can see them heading for the cloud now.
BLAM BLAM! *wall panel explodes, Redshirt #6 dies* Damned Federation
technology...I'm caught in the crossfire! The rift closed, there's
nowhere to go! Alright, let's see what this Defiant-class starship can
do in a real fight! Power the phasers, load nanoprobe torpedoes! OIMVSAC
DamieN: Well folks, it appears that Chris
has been caught up in the battle itself. Gee wiz, I sure hope he's
careful out there. Say, it looks like that Shadow Planet Killer is on
JUSTICAR: Yes, it certainly is DamieN. Its
escort entourage is resetting its formation. They've just begun to fire
particle beams. The beams are focusing onto a point. Analysis indicates
that the beams are non-leathal. Analysis also indicates that the beams
are having a strange effect on one section of space. It appears that a
portal is opening. DamieN can you get a fix on where it opens to?
DamieN: Well, I think this funky computer
display before me is saying that a rift is being opened into another
dimension, specifically, Species 8472's home realm. The Planet Killer
is setting a course for. I don't see what they could be planning,
surely their intelligence would tell them that fluidic space doesn't
have any planets to obliterate.
Pilot: That's no moon... that's a space
JUSTICAR: What are you talking about? Space
Pilot: The Species 8742 have a critical
staging area on the other side of that rift.
JUSTICAR: There you have it, his sensors
indicate a large naval installation. Funny how ours don't.
DamieN: The word must have spread quickly
throughout the Species fleet that they're base in is danger. But they're
unable to organize a large attack force, too many of their ships are
tangled up in engagements throughout the system. That city-sized 8472
station doesn't stand a chance alone against the Planet Killer's
JUSTICAR: A group of 9 bioships are
assembling within striking range of the Shadow Planet Killer. I think
that we can guess what they're doing. They're charging up... firing at
the central ship... which has collected the energy... its firing at the
DamieN: Here we go, the squadron of
bioships fire and... HOLY REDNECK SKANK CHICKS, they missed and hit the
Planet Ostin: BOOM!
DamieN: 'BOOM' doesn't quite describe it.
I've never seen a planet get blasted to smitheereens before! The debris
and the shock wave have taken out hundreds of Shadow vessels. Good thing
we're a safe distance away, though I wonder where Chris is. Anyway, I
can only imagine that the Species' missed due to that death cloud around
the Planet Killer's structure obscuring their targeting All I can say
JUSTICAR: Those bioships are charging
again. They're not going to make the same mistake twice. Here they go.
No! That Planet Killer just bitch-slapped them with a swarm of 100+
megaton missiles. They are gone like patio furniture in a hurricane.
DamieN: Oh sure, nuclear explosions are
nice, but I'm still getting over watching that planet get annihilated in
person. Now then..hey, there, what the hell is our pilot doing at the
controls? Oh no, I think we're on an intercept course for that Planet
Killer?! The pilot is blatantly disobeying his orders. The Lieck's
captain is ordering the red-shirted ensign at the
opps station to stop put a stop to this. Hopefully he can solve this...
JUSTICAR: There goes the ensign. WHAT
THE!!! Son of a.... that ensign just got splattered all over console.
Excuse me whilst I dive for safety! That pilot wasn't really Alec
Guiness but a Species in disguise. That Species is hijacking the Lieck
to intercept the Planet Killer. He charging up the Lieck's new Wave
DamieN: You know Justy, this is the third
time we've subbed a battle, and the third time that I've had to dive for
safety! This is NOT my kind of trend,
you hear me! That nasty alien is obviously planning to destroy that
Planet Killer using Khazan's own broadcasting vessel, and he may take us
out with it. Hey, we've got even more company...a Shadow being just
decloaked from behind the the piloting console! He must have been
waiting there under invisibility the whole time. He's tackling the
8472, trying to get him/her/it/other away from the controls, with only
seconds before weapons fire! Insectoid limbs are flailing everywhere!