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I can't say that I've known Mr. Nonymus for very long. In fact, I can't really say that I've known him at all. You see, he's a little bit... strange... His mind seems to be in some other universe and is paying attention to things here because he has nothing better to do. In his more lucid moments, he claims to have come from a planet called Earth. To be honest, I can't quite believe that. I've met my share of Earthlings who've visited Khazan over my lifetime and none of them are quite like this... person. They tend to be a bit more normal. Meanwhile, Mr. Nonymus is, well, strange. Let me tell you a story about when he first found himself on Khazan. I happened to be standing right across the street when an interdimensional rift opened up and spat out Mr. Nonymus. Immediately after regaining consciousness, he got up, went to a nearby hunting store to buy an emu whistle and called forth two zebras and a tapir. He then grabbed me and put me on one of the zebras while he swept up the tapir and jumped on the other. He's mellowed down a bit since then. And by "mellowed down", I mean he finally let the poor tapir go after a couple weeks and went to sleep on a bed of Jell-O. Now that I think about it, wild Jell-O is difficult enough to find anywhere in the world, let alone inside a lava cave... I eventually did manage to escape from Mr. Nonymus, of course. I tried many things before I succeeded including use of explosives and the use of a throwing spear that happened to be discarded after a cannibal raid (we raided a cannibal village, not the other way around... poor, poor chickens). At last, I just walked up to him and asked him if I can leave. He simply replied with "Okay."
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Like I said, he's strange. I've seen him survive damage that could kill a rhino without so much as a scratch and yet he'll fall to the ground, whimpering, if you hit him with a teddy bear. I don't think he's quite sane, really. Still, he was entertaining during those couple months. Scary... but entertaining.
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"Quack"
 Paralysis: Superior
Mr. Nonymus always had an uncanny ability to say things that would stun a person for no logical reason. He would sit somewhere staring into space with a stupid grin on his face and suddenly shout out to the world, "At last, I've found my pillow!" Afterward, the surrounding area would be completely silent for an hour, sometimes even longer. A dozen times, I stood motionless after one of his utterances unable to think of anything except for the question, "Why in Hell did he just say that?" I occasionally still have flashbacks of that time and I'm unable to move during that time. Honestly, it just makes no sense! An hour already? Sorry, my mind must have been wandering.
"I give you a poke!"
 Thrusting Attack: Ultimate
Mr. Nonymus may be as weak as a kitten, true, but a single part of his body seems to have been trained to become the perfect weapon. I've seen him push against a wall of sugar glass, hit it with his head, bash his fist against it to no avail. He'd then slap himself on the head, stick out his right index finger and give the wall a barely perceptible feather touch. Immediately, the wall of sugar glass shattered, as well as the wall of plasteel standing behind it. It's kind of a trade-off if you think about it. He has the strength of a jellyfish everywhere except for that one finger that has the combined power of a hundred men. His mum would have had a great reason to tell him not to point.
"I strike a match."
 Energy Sheath: Ultimate
Mr. Nonymus carries with him a book of matches. At some random point on time, he'll strike one of those matches and let it contact his skin. Immediately, he'll be completely enshrouded in an immense ball of fire. I lost my eyebrows after the first time he did that. Later, when he took out those matches, I was sure to dive for cover before he got too hot. It's a mystery exactly what feeds those flames. It's an even bigger mystery exactly how the fire stops. I'd look away for a few seconds in order to moisten my heat-strained eyes and then look back to find him perfectly normal (as far as that definition can be stretched) eating a grilled cheese sandwich. He likes cheese. He said so himself once.
Immunity: Fire
 Immunity: Standard
It's not only those matches that make him catch on fire. Anything that emits light and flickers can make it happen. He once turned a Christmas tree into a towering inferno after touching one of its lights. Would have been pretty funny if it weren't for those doves roosting in some of the tree's ornaments... They tasted great though. Mr. Nonymus sold the idea to some Colonel for a few thousand bucks. He spent all the money on paper clips... Like I said, I don't think he's quite sane.
"Eek! Not the Plushie!"
 Iron Will: Supreme
Did I mention the incident with the teddy bear? A circus clown discovered us in Mr. Nonymus' secret jungle hideout and immediately began throwing things at him. You should have seen what that clown pulled out of his pants! Bowling pins, stainless steel knives, an Indian elephant, the kitchen sink... He never got that sink fixed. He wasn't harmed a bit by anything the clown threw at him! Until the plushie... It hit him in the head with an adorable little "doink" sound and then bounced away down some random hallway. Poor Mr. Nonymus was tossed halfway across the room before falling in a wimpering heap at the foot of his favourite chair, the one made entirely from PEZ dispensers and some woodworkers' glue. The clown, unfortunately, escaped unharmed and, as I recall, Mr. Nonymus is yet to find a new owner for the elephant. One day the clown will show up again, though, and I suspect that he will not be glad to do so.
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Hall Of Fame!
Survival - 8 Wins!
Brutal - 1 Fatalities
